LATOYA FERGUSON: The amount of things I never thought I'd have to care about in a TV show that are in this season. Incorporation. Airplane hangars. At least like when The OC did all its real estate plots, it was interesting. But like... Jesus, incorporation.
Read MoreHZ: I don't acknowledge dream sequences. You know this.
JOY: Ha, yeah.
HZ: Well, I don't acknowledge this one. Fucking Lianne Mars? I hadn't missed her, I'd forgotten all about her.
JOY: Yeah, I kind of forgot that she ever existed.
HZ: But she's bearing laundry, because, in this dream, she's the perfect mother - as in domestic, and just sort of smiling gently at everyone else who's more interesting. She's got a much bigger house...
ALANNA BENNETT: Yes.
HZ: ...and a pancake breakfast, and Keith's in sheriff's uniform, and Veronica body-shames herself.
ALANNA BENNETT: Yes, because she's still the Disney popular girl, and gullible. I like that in her head it's like, "I wish that I were still this, like, gullible little princess."
JOY: Ha! The good old days.
JOY: I just googled ‘Celebrity Boners and Gaffes’ -
HZ: No, no — no Jenny! Delete all the cookies!
JOY:There is a seemingly endless list of articles from mostly BuzzFeed, In Touch, some other websites and news outlets. Here are some sample article titles: "Celebrities who've had erections during sex scenes". "31 celebrity bulges that went hard in 2015". "The 21 most important celebrity bulges of all time". "Boner alert! Nine celebrities who have had boners in public". "Boner alert! Make America bulge again".
HZ: Argh.
JOY: "13 celebrity dudes who aren't afraid to show off their goods". I've googled it, so you don't have to.
HZ: Thanks, Jenny.
JOY: Ugh. You're welcome.
HZ: How do you know I hadn't already? (I hadn't.) So no gaffes, just boners?
JOY: No gaffes, just boners.
HZ: Gaffes are less popular than boners, I guess.
VERONICA on phone: Have you had dinner?
DUNCAN: No, I'm tired of room service. [Opens door: it’s Veronica, holding up a bag of food.]
VERONICA: Then may I suggest dim sum, and then some?
JOY: Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Ew. OK, I'm going to say this, and then I need to go get some Listerine. "Dim sum and then some"?
HZ: It gets worse. It gets worse, Jenny.
DUNCAN: What if we start the evening with ‘and then some’ and work our way back to the dim sum?
VERONICA: It's officially under consideration. May I ask you something first?
DUNCAN: Yes to costumes, no to props. Does that cover it?
JOY: Helennnnn!
HZ: Veronica does have a lot of costumes, but her props are bugs and tasers. So I can understand why he didn't want to use those.
JOY: Yeah, I guess. I guess that makes sense.
HZ: Then Veronica ruins the dim sum and then some, or the then some and then dim sum that Duncan's angling for, by saying, "Why didn't you tell me how often you'd been visiting Meg since the accident?" And it's hard to carry on the sexy chat after that kind of line.
JOY: Yeah. It's not great.
HZ: She's really done the roleplay badly there.
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: “I'm roleplaying as one of the Manning parents.”
JOY: Ugh. Sick.
HZ: I have two other reasons that I think account for Veronica's hostility. One is: I think she senses that Jackie is a sexperson. She has already said in the previous episode that she hasn't dated a high school guy since eighth grade. She makes reference to actors she's been out with. She's a sexperson. But I think the true reason she dislikes Jackie is because Jackie also wears tiny jackets.
JOY: Tiny jacket competition. They have to have a tiny jacket-off.
HZ: Who's got the tiniest jacket? And also, Jackie's name is so close to ‘jacket’.
JOY: Wow. Yes. Also really regretting saying 'tiny jacket-off'.
HZ: Veronica's not avoiding Logan today.
JOY: No, even though she's supposed to be I think steering clear from him she can't resist going in for a little no-costume undercover work pretending to still be into it so that she can see what he has to say for himself.
HZ: Yeah, right. We know that she's shitting him, for some reason.
JOY: I'm sorry - "shitting him"?
HZ: Yeah, do you not say that in America?
JOY: Oh, like like she's like lying to them or playing him or something? Like "you gotta be shitting me."
HZ: Right. Exactly. She's shittting him. But he doesn't know he's being shat.
JOY: See, this really starts to fall apart once you start conjugating.
HZ: Does it? You knew what I meant! He is beshat.
HZ: In Vegas, Keith's guest Cheyenne arrives wearing a black dress with charm chains draped over the shoulders. Keith's hotel is quite beige and drab, and also, the TV is angled so you can't watch it in bed. What the fuck? What piece of shit hotel would do this to you? What is the point?
JOY: Yeah, that is cruel and unusual punishment.
HZ: Keith's still kind of in caring dad mode, asking Cheyenne if she's hungry.
KEITH: Are you hungry or anything?
CHEYENNE: I think not having to buy me dinner first is kind of the point. Why don’t you come sit over here with me and relax, okay?
KEITH: Well, maybe we could go sit out on the balcony.
CHEYENNE: You’re still gonna be married on the balcony. Now. I want you to tell me exactly what you want. That one thing you can never get the little woman to do. And we’ll start there.
KEITH: Actually, I’d like to start by talking about Abel Koontz.
HZ: Wow, Keith, that is one hell of a kink. Bet she doesn't get that request often.
JOY: “The little woman just won't discuss Abel Koontz and the Lilly Kane murder with me the way I'd like.”
HZ: In the background of the Echolls living room, there's a cabinet containing many framed photos of Aaron. We're used to that from the set dressing, but also a bunch of awards, including two Oscars.
JOY: Damn, I missed that. What do you think those are for?
HZ: I don't know, because I thought they'd built up Aaron to be quite a shit actor, just doing these crappy action films and sequels.
JOY: I was wondering if - when they they said that when Veronica later says that she got caught making out by the star of Breaking Point and Breaking Point 2, I was wondering if that was supposed to be a Point Break reference, if Aaron was supposed to be a Patrick Swayze type.
HZ: Maybe one of the awards is for Dance Dirty and Dance Dirty 2 then.
Read MoreJOY: Logan is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
HZ: Yeah, although you do assume that the chocolates will be brownish green and a bit out of date. What what? But still delicious. Delicious, but bad for you.
Read MoreHZ: Veronica visits the website killemall. Jenny, please describe what you see, because we watched the episode together and she screamed for minutes upon sight of this thing.
JR: Tell me all about it.
JOY: Oh my god, it's like a ticking countdown clock, and I think there's like a demonic laugh that happens right when the page loads and it's like, “Hahahahaha," it's counting down. I also think there's like a some kind of demonic visage somewhere on the page. It’s like “Something demonic is gonna happen in 48 hours and 15 minutes and 22 seconds, suckers.”
JR: It's great. It's great stuff. Beautiful design, I love the red, it really pops.
JOY: It really pops.
JR: Love that font, it is like borderline Papyrus, I think.
JOY: Like evil Papyrus.
JR: Yeah, Demonic Papyrus.
HZ: I used that on my wedding invitations.
HZ: Keith comes in buttoning his cuffs. And he hears Veronica saying:
VERONICA: Seriously, you should talk to him.
KEITH: Am I giving you the birds and the bees again, Wallace?
HZ: Spectacular!
JOY: Give him the birds and bees, Keith!
HZ: Oh, wouldn't you love the birds and bees talk from Keith?
JOY: If I had to get it from somebody.
HZ: It'd scare you into never fucking a bee.
JOY: Or a bird.
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