Neptune High — Transcripts — Veronica Mars Investigations

VMI 1.20 M.A.D. transcript

HZ: In the background of the Echolls living room, there's a cabinet containing many framed photos of Aaron. We're used to that from the set dressing, but also a bunch of awards, including two Oscars.

JOY: Damn, I missed that. What do you think those are for?

HZ: I don't know, because I thought they'd built up Aaron to be quite a shit actor, just doing these crappy action films and sequels.

JOY: I was wondering if - when they they said that when Veronica later says that she got caught making out by the star of Breaking Point and Breaking Point 2, I was wondering if that was supposed to be a Point Break reference, if Aaron was supposed to be a Patrick Swayze type.

HZ: Maybe one of the awards is for Dance Dirty and Dance Dirty 2 then.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod20 January 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Jeff D’Agostino, Beaver, Cassidy Casablancas, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Kyle Gallner, Aaron Echolls, Harry Hamlin, Mac, Mac Mackenzie, Tina Majorino, Carmen, Tad, Clarence Wiedman, Christopher B Duncan, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, boats, awful guys of Neptune, tattoos, humiliation, phones, cellphones, video, revenge, vengeance, sex tape, drugs, Keith's romances, sex, revenge porn, sex shaming, Toxic Neptune, cars, videos, incriminating videos, entrapment, Missing Duncan, passports, eBay, escape plans, prom, homophobia, military, navy, dances, LGBTQ, Boy George, Seth, ecstasy, Troy, hair, guys that suck, Paris Hilton, Star Wars Kid, memes, viral videos, Ghyslain Raza, sleeveless henley, clothes, jackets, fashion, clothing, rotatokissing, Oscars, awards, set dressing, Echolls home, Point Break, Patrick Swayze, Dirty Dancing, surfing, Mexico, cheerleaders, surf and chicks fest, dog names, dogs, A Dog Named Boo, songs, music, LoVe, Loganica, Finding out true love is blind, Louis XIV, lyrics, bad songs, novelty hats, boardwalk, hats, photos, photobooth, photoshop, framing, websites, graphic design, long lens, drug dealing, chicken kiev, Chevy Impala, Tijuana, motels, accents, swingles, Mr Heinrich, costumes, costuming, Catalina Island, sailing, dates, dating, Chinatown, newspaper, paper, serving, lawsuits, divorce, Lianne Mars, Albacore Club, Tuna Club of Avalon, legal proceedings, legal procedure, Loretta Cancun, Ameenah Kaplan, Cliff, Cliff McCormack, dance, tricking a hotel receptionist, props, Felix, Shelly Pomroy's party, nonconsensual drugging, nonconsensual intoxication, GHB, crapface, emotional abuse, coercion, hot tub, lighting, Kane Software, bugs, houseplants, roofies, rohypnol

VMI 1.19 Hot Dogs transcript

JOY: Logan is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

HZ: Yeah, although you do assume that the chocolates will be brownish green and a bit out of date. What what? But still delicious. Delicious, but bad for you.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod13 January 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Mandy, dogs, missing animals, pets, animals, pet theft, dognapping, dog theft, Trina Echolls, Alyson Hannigan, Aaron Echolls, Harry Hamlin, awful men of Neptune, violence, knives, Dylan, Leo D'Amato, Max Greenfield, abuse, family abuse, domestic violence, Judy Blume, Forever, canine, dog pound, Jack Russells, Claire Titelman, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Missing Duncan, the Fonz, Celeste Kane, Kanes, Kane house, spy pen, Wishbone, Siddhartha, Hermann Hesse, Lynn Echolls, wills, inheritance, legacy, Snausage, Backup, Matthew Carey, Hans, Lisa Thornhill, pearls, Alicia Fennel, Keith's romances, 101 Dalmatians, henley, kissing, kisses, Loganica, VeGan, LoVe, Drive Me Crazy, Melissa Joan Hart, Adrian Grenier, Tasers, warrants, NDAs, non-disclosure agreements

VMI 1.18 Weapons of Class Destruction transcript

HZ: Veronica visits the website killemall. Jenny, please describe what you see, because we watched the episode together and she screamed for minutes upon sight of this thing.
JR: Tell me all about it.
JOY: Oh my god, it's like a ticking countdown clock, and I think there's like a demonic laugh that happens right when the page loads and it's like, “Hahahahaha," it's counting down. I also think there's like a some kind of demonic visage somewhere on the page. It’s like “Something demonic is gonna happen in 48 hours and 15 minutes and 22 seconds, suckers.”
JR: It's great. It's great stuff. Beautiful design, I love the red, it really pops.
JOY: It really pops.
JR: Love that font, it is like borderline Papyrus, I think.
JOY: Like evil Papyrus.
JR: Yeah, Demonic Papyrus.
HZ: I used that on my wedding invitations.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod7 January 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Joanna Robinson, special guest, Leo D’Amato, Deputy Leo, Max Greenfield, Veronica’s boyfriends, Veronica’s romances, Corny, Miss Dent, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Joey Lauren Adams, Chasing Amy, Michael McMillian, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Home Improvement, wigs, hair, drugs, bombs, bomb dogs, bomb squad, Theo Rossi, Sons of Anarchy, Norris, Ben, throwing stars, Kurosawa, weapons, swords, web, websites, internet, wifi, Mac, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Keith's romances, dating, romance, kissing, kisses, kiss, popcorn, Van Clemmons, Vice Principal Clemmons, Duane Daniels, undercover agents, Miss Roush, Veronica's voices, journalism, papers, newspapers, media, Tiger Beat, punching, punches, violence, face punching, fertilizer, lies, Heathers, Jason Dean, Christian Slater, mullets, Storm Warning, Ginger Rogers, Doris Day, Ronald Reagan, The Crucible, dogs, sniffer dogs, fonts, Papyrus, web design, Meg Manning, Duncan Kane, Alona Tal, Teddy Dunn, passports, disappearing Duncan, Mannequin, problematic faves, cars, Nissan Xterra, Camelot motel, Logan's clothes, LoVe, Braveheart, Taut Blondes, ATF, ATF agents, 21 Jump Street, Miss Stafford, pep, Switched At Birth, expired passports, escape, absconding, guest stars, Tina Majorino, Miss Murphy

VMI 1.17 Kanes and Abel's transcript

JOY: Helen! Helen!! Veronica - Veronica cracks open her… was this the laptop that she specifically only uses for her personal Lilly Kane murder investigation, with her Lilly Kane murder investigation desktop wallpaper?

HZ: That would explain why she uses the school computers for things that really should be done in private rather than a busy classroom. There's big yellow letters across the top of the screen that say “Lilly Kane murder investigation." Which, you would think she would call it something else.

JOY: Yeah, taxes, you know, what do people call porn folders on their computer? Something that will make someone who sees it over your shoulder be like, “Oh, boring. Gotta go." But no, it's ‘Lilly Kane murder investigation’, and then there are folders all over the desktop, clearly labelled each of the Kanes, Eli ‘Weevil' Navarro, etc, etc. I was watching this episode, and I had to screenshot this desktop situation. And I sent it to Helen, who immediately responded - because the photo is from prom, that fateful, almost Skinny Dip night when Lilly was really stoked about going braless - and Helen said, “I too like to remember my dead loved ones at their most busty."

HZ: It's what they would have wanted.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod17 December 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Amelia DeLongpre, Clarence Wiedman, Abel Koontz, hats, Vinnie Van Lowe, Ken Marino, Hall and Oates, Private Eyes, Loyola Marymount, students, undergrad, wallpaper, dankness, motel, hair, midterms, Sabrina Fuller, Jessica Fuller, Hamilton Cho, James Cho, argyle, polo shirts, cardigans, tires, Caz Truman, Jake Kane, Celeste Kane, Lisa Thornhill, Kyle Secor, Clash of the Titans, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Italian, pram, car, ads, sex chat phonelines, pranks, sabotage, harassment, rave, ravers, speculative flashbacks, Lilly's murder, Leonard Wu, college, scholarships, academic, Quiet Power Keith, laptops, epilepsy, mental health, George Bush, Barbara Bush, Bill Clinton, costuming, set dressing, wealth inequality, laundry, evidence

VMI 1.16 Betty and Veronica transcript

HZ: In Wallace's locker, there's a gift - an offering!

JOY: A spirit box! Do you guys have spirit boxes in the UK?

HZ: Of course not, sports players are privileged enough.

JOY: Do you guys have spirit of any kind in the UK?

HZ: We have spirits, as in the booze kind.

JOY: Ah yes, now that's a box I'd like to receive in my locker.

HZ: It’d probably get you into trouble, Jenny. This box is is green with yellow frills and it's got a big green frog in it and “Go Wallace, we love you, you rock” somewhere involved. And in it there's a load of snickerdoodles. Which is not a cookie we have in Britain either. Is it worth bothering with?

JOY: I mean, I love a snickerdoodle - I'm an equal opportunity employer of cookies.

HZ: That's very thoughtful.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod9 December 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Leo D’Amato, Deputy Leo, Max Greenfield, Meg Manning, Alona Tal, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Jake Kane, Kyle Secor, Celeste Kane, Lisa Thornhill, Lianne Mars, Corinne Bohrer, Clarence Wiedman, Christopher B Duncan, parrots, mascots, goats, animals, theft, Pan High, sports, basketball, betting, bets, bookies, cookies, pep, snickerdoodles, rehab, Riverdale, Vice Principal Clemmons, Skee-Lo, I Wish, Sally Field, gambling, jocks, pranks, meat, rest stop 15, Editor Duncan, making love, Jack, goat in a van, van, Amelia DeLongpre

VMI 1.15 Ruskie Business transcript

HZ: Meg has got a secret admirer. She's narrowed it down to two guys. Someone sweet but moony called Martin, or someone called Caz who's flirty, but he would flirt with a trashcan if it had boobs.
JOY: Trying to picture a trash can with boobs. Hang on one second.
HZ: Pretty sexy.
JOY: Okay, please go on. I'm ready.
HZ: But Meg needs to find out who, because it could be her soulmate - there's a lot of soulmate chat this episode.
JOY: Meg, you're 16, you barely even have a soul let alone its mate. Her soul is still baking!
HZ: You're basically a trash can with boobs!

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod3 December 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, legal, season 1, Neptune High, Max Greenfield, Deputy Leo, Leo D'Amato, Pretty In Pink, 1980s, eighties, Duckie, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Madonna, Trina Echolls, Alyson Hannigan, Risky Business, Tom Cruz, Tom Cruise, WITSEC, witness protection, state’s evidence, Steuben glass, egg, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler, Valentine’s Day, dancing, dances, Valentines, Lynn Echolls, Meg Manning, Alona Tal, dating, relationships, romance, love, phones, texts, text messages, postcards, Russians, jocks, Caz, Martin, show homes, trash can with boobs, Chupa Chups, lollipops, Cynthia LaMontagne, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffonica, jockstraps, parties, Jill Straps, flowers, Manny the florist, Catarina Lenova, dogs, catahoula leopard dogs, dog breeds, Detective Wallace, accents, English accents, Charley Mossman, pets, dingos, ocelots, porcupines, threeways, state dogs, state animals, Idyllwild, Mayor Max, golden retrievers, Karl, sketch artist, Scott Michael Morgan, Bluths, Bluth family, Arrested Development, attraction, makeovers, Ian Somerhalder, Wang Chung, Lianne Mars, Barstow, Neptune geography, Clarence Wiedman

VMI 1.14 Mars vs Mars transcript

HZ: I don't like this episode very much, Jenny.

JOY: Man, agree - hard agree. This is difficult, but unfortunately I guess we have to talk about it anyway.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod27 November 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, legal, season 1, Neptune High, Adam Scott, Leighton Meester, Carrie Bishop, Susan Knight, Mr Rooks, teachers, Sting, The Police, Don't Stand So Close To Me, songs, singing, pregnancy, statutory rape, sex crime, lyrics, rhyming, rhymes, feminine rhymes, masculine rhymes, Lolita, Nabokov, Mars vs Mars, Gossip Girl, Duncan Kane, doctors, theft, medical records, Abel Koontz, kitten heels, mental health, Cliff!, Cliff McCormack, Deputy Leo, Leo D'Amato, lasagne, Rolling Stones, vinyl, MUN, mock United Nations, Model United Nations, text messages, Sweet Knees, sex offender registry, Max Greenfield

VMI 1.13: Lord of the Bling transcript

HZ: At school Veronica is at the lunch tables questioning Yolanda's friend Gabrielle who's just talking, talking, talking, talking. And I love how Veronica says in voiceover some stuff that really illustrates the daddy-daughter dynamic chez Mars.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: One thing about an ex-cop for a dad is that some boring Sunday when you’ve seen all the reruns, he might kill time describing, for instance, how to tell if someone’s lying in an interrogation. Take Yolanda’s friend Gabrielle here: the indirect eye contact, the smile that doesn’t crinkle the eyes.

HZ: It's so useful. I wish I'd had such a useful dad. He probably could have told me how to like cut down a tree or something - but then I wouldn't have been allowed to touch his chainsaw.
JOY: OMG, a chainsaw!
HZ: Oh, my dad loves his chainsaw, yeah.
JOY: <psycho music>
HZ: Not like that; you would never besmirch it with human flesh, it would clog the chain! God, Jenny.
JOY: Oh my god. My mistake.
HZ: Have some respect for the implement!

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod18 November 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Anthony Anderson, Black-ish, robes, bedwear, loungewear, jewelry, jewellery, Switched at Birth, Yolanda Hamilton, Bone Hamilton, Bryce Hamilton, phones, land lines, blackmail, kidnapping, ransoms, hotels, costumes, Mars acting, Mars disguises, bugs, drains, drainage, water, engineering, marriage, underage marriage, Las Vegas, elopement, stereotypes, Shari Headley, physics, National Velvet, Black Velvet, Alannah Myles, bad backs, music, rappers, rap music, hip hop, missing persons, Sam Bloom, glass bricks, tax evasion, tax, chainsaws, blenders, clubs, flashback hands, Dick Casablancas, Aaron Echolls, Harry Hamlin, Lynn Echolls, funeral, Trina Echolls, telegrams, Columbo, Dime Bag, The Eagles, Sonic Snoop, bugging, infidelity, musicians, art, set design, furniture, decor, decoration, musical notes art, why are you ruining Jenny's life?, George M Cohan, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Duncan Kane, ransom notes, toxic masculinity, toxic Neptune, comms, Skype, video calling, communication, Nevada, song

VMI 1.12: Clash of the Tritons transcript

HZ: Veronica's playing with the stapler, partly as a sign of rudeness and partly so she can swap it with a spy stapler! Is there an office supplies catalogue has identical models of the most common stationary items but with cameras in?

JOY: And had Veronica noted what kind of stapler she had before? Like on a previous trip to Miss James’s office?

HZ: I admire the research.

JOY: The important questions of our times.

HZ: And also does it function as a real stapler?

JOY: Oh, great question.

HZ: I suppose it must, because otherwise it would arouse suspicion.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod5 November 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, secret society, secret societies, Triton, Tritons, rich white boy bullshit, wankers, secrets, pledges, hazing, karaoke, myths, Clash of the Titans, Harry Hamlin, Aaron Echolls, Lisa Rinna, Lynn Echolls, suicide, abuse, Miss James, Rebecca James, grief, therapy, staplers, counselling, spy equipment, spy office supplies, spy stationery, Rick, Tim, ID cards, fake ID, felonies, Detective Wallace, Singing Duncan, conch, conch shells, mental health, Burning Man, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Piers Gaveston, drinking societies, clubs, Oxford, David Cameron, Piggate, Blondie, One Way Or Another, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Black Mirror, Cliff!, Cliff McCormack, lockers, spycams, bugs, awful white boys of Neptune, Ansel Adams