Season 3, transcriptVMI PodVeronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, Professor Landry, Patrick Fabian, Tim Foyle, James Jordan, Piz, Stosh Piznarski, Chris Lowell, Parker Lee, Julie Gonzalo, Mac, Cindy Mackenzie, Tina Majorino, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Deputy Sacks, Jerry Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Mindy O’Dell, Jaime Ray Newman, Steve Batando, Richard Grieco, Ken Marino, Vinnie Van Lowe, Cliff!, Cliff McCormack, Daran Norris, Mason, Robert Ri’chard, Josh Barry, Jonathan Chase, Tom Barry, Matt McKenzie, Kathleen Barry, Tracey Needham, Coach Yeager, Todd Christian Hunter, murder, death, suicide, assisted suicide, jailbreak, insurance fraud, Mexico, boats, paintball, paintball guns, Valentine’s Day, romance, treasure hunt, ocean, beach, sea, bravado, Kama Sutra, Sheriff, life insurance, jail, Caged Heat, CJD, quoting, Cultural References, MASH, insurance, yachts, Ernest Hemingway, vandalism, racism, Islamophobia, military, Iraq, war, warfare, service, alcohol, bars, drinking, underage drinking, IDs, fake IDs, Sheriff Keith, condoms, Titans, sex, Gilmore Girls, Lane Kim, MySpace, Neptune Grand, elevator, cake, face cake
HZ: In the third episode, this is the one where Dick is trying to fix heartbroken Logan, and it's probably the best use of Dick we've seen thus far. The professor tells Dick that if Logan keeps not coming to class, he's going to fail, and then Dick gets to the hotel suite and there are two staff members, including Jeff Ratner from that other episode, waiting outside the door with a cart of food. And they're like, "We can't leave unless Logan gives us back some trays, and we're out of salt and pepper shakers in the whole hotel."
JOY: Dude. He's really been Howard Hughes-ing it up. Hoarding room service trays... Not allowing them to clean...
HZ: Guzzling pepper...
JOY: Guzzling pepper, ha! Keeping his eyes perpetually moist with the pepper, and all just in case Veronica drops by he wants to look repentant.
HZ: Crying extra-salty tears.
LO DODDS: It's interesting. California, because unsolicited dick pics - pun intended...
HZ: Richard pictures, in formal.
JOY: Ha! Dude, when Helen and I launch our our porn production company, it will be called Richard Pictures.
HZ: My brother Richard's going to love that.
HZ: What did you think about Loganica's couple Halloween costume, Jenny?
JOY: I didn't know what the fuck it was until I was just reading your notes, and now I see that they are the White Stripes for Halloween.
HZ: Yes. I'm not sure I would have noticed had I not been told, because I thought, "Is he doing Shaggy from Scooby Doo?"
JOY: Right. Like, what is that wig? The wig is not quite right.
HZ: The wigs are never right, Jenny.
JOY: The wigs are never right.
HZ: Even though she's got a whole wardrobe of wigs for her various sting operations. She makes more effort dressing up to do a sting than she does for this Halloween.
JOY: It's true. And has anybody told them that the whole thing with the White Stripes is, like, are they brother and sister or are they a couple?
HZ: Oh, that's some season one shit.
JOY: Exactly.
HZ: Get Duncan back in here!
JOY: Veronica and Logan have just had some very sweaty sex. Very sweaty. So sweaty. Everyone's moist.
HZ: But she's a sexperson now. Of course, she has to ruin it.
VERONICA: Woof! You should seriously consider going pro in that.
JOY: Why, Veronica? Just savour the moment.
HZ: She can't. She has to ruin moments.
JOY: At least she doesn't say a Clint Eastwood quote right now, in bed.
HZ: Do you think she said one just before?
JOY: Before we got there? Yeah, totally.
HZ: I don't acknowledge dream sequences. You know this.
JOY: Ha, yeah.
HZ: Well, I don't acknowledge this one. Fucking Lianne Mars? I hadn't missed her, I'd forgotten all about her.
JOY: Yeah, I kind of forgot that she ever existed.
HZ: But she's bearing laundry, because, in this dream, she's the perfect mother - as in domestic, and just sort of smiling gently at everyone else who's more interesting. She's got a much bigger house...
ALANNA BENNETT: Yes.
HZ: ...and a pancake breakfast, and Keith's in sheriff's uniform, and Veronica body-shames herself.
ALANNA BENNETT: Yes, because she's still the Disney popular girl, and gullible. I like that in her head it's like, "I wish that I were still this, like, gullible little princess."
JOY: Ha! The good old days.
JOY: I was so busy thinking about Weevil and math together.
HZ: Yeah? That doing it for you?
JOY: Yes. Two of my favourite things, Weevil and algebra. Math that I understand.
HZ: I didn't know you were into algebra. There's so much I still have to learn about you.
JOY: I mean, it's not like my passion, but if I had a workbook right now...
HZ: You could algebra the shit out of it.
JOY: I would absolutely do it to take the edge off anything to distract me from the yawning void just outside of my peripheral vision.
JOY: Why on god's green earth does this show refuse to show me anybody doing reps that I would like to watch doing reps? Why is this our fate? Here's a list of people that could do reps at any point on the show: Wallace; Cliff...
HZ: Cliff would be hilarious. Cliff would do it in like a white undershirt and some massive blue boxers and black business socks. And a tie.
JOY: And that would be fine. I would like to watch Lilly Kane do some reps...
HZ: Oh, yeah. Alicia doing reps.
JOY: Oh hell yes. Weevil...
HZ: I don't think I'd want to see Weevil doing reps. It just doesn't seem like his thing, like he'd rather be alone whilst he's exercising.
JOY: Oh, OK, well whatever Weevil wants, obviously.
JOY: When Lamb is clearly going to be difficult, and Keith hands him the CD to essentially blackmail him, Lamb crosses his fingers and says, "I really hope it's the new Big & Rich." Helen, do you know, are you familiar with the musical artists Big & Rich?
HZ: I'm not, Jenny. Should I?
JOY: Well, they are, I think, best-known for their country smashola ‘Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy’.
HZ: That doesn't work.
JOY: That's about sex. ‘Have sex with a cowboy.’
HZ: "Don't fuck a horse," OK, what a message.
JOY: Listen! You have to hold two layers in your mind at the same time. "Don't ride a horse regular. Instead, fuck a cowboy."
HZ: "Take a cowboy to the races, and see if they can handle the jumps"?
JOY: Just make sure you only have one headphone in at any time.
HZ: I just don't think this analogy works, Jenny.
JOY: Helen, I feel like you're missing the spirit of modern American country music.
HZ: They could have saved themselves so much time by following legal procedure.
LO DODDS:: Well, even, like they could have made it dramatic, but like why - why is there kidnapping?
HZ: Well, for making it dramatic, Lo. I think you answered your own question there.
JOY: Here's the thing: why make an episode of television made mostly out of the worst thing that can happen to you, as a citizen of the United States?
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