sexpeople — Transcripts — Veronica Mars Investigations

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VMI 3.111213 There's Gotta Be A Poughkeepsie Mortem transcript

HZ: In the third episode, this is the one where Dick is trying to fix heartbroken Logan, and it's probably the best use of Dick we've seen thus far. The professor tells Dick that if Logan keeps not coming to class, he's going to fail, and then Dick gets to the hotel suite and there are two staff members, including Jeff Ratner from that other episode, waiting outside the door with a cart of food. And they're like, "We can't leave unless Logan gives us back some trays, and we're out of salt and pepper shakers in the whole hotel."
JOY: Dude. He's really been Howard Hughes-ing it up. Hoarding room service trays... Not allowing them to clean...
HZ: Guzzling pepper...
JOY: Guzzling pepper, ha! Keeping his eyes perpetually moist with the pepper, and all just in case Veronica drops by he wants to look repentant.
HZ: Crying extra-salty tears.

Season 3, transcriptVMI Pod19 January 2021Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, Daran Norris, Cliff McCormack, Professor Landry, Hank Landry, Patrick Fabian, Tim Foyle, James Jordan, Lucky in a Wig, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Cyrus O’Dell, Ed Begley Jr, Mindy O’Dell, Jaime Ray Newman, Steve Batando, Richard Grieco, Max, Adam Rose, Deputy Sacks, Jerry Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Nish Sweeney, Chastity Dotson, Claire Nordhouse, Krista Kalmus, Fern Delgado, Cher Ferreyra, Josh Barry, Jonathan Chase, Mason, Robert Ri’chard, Tom Barry, Matt McKenzie, Mel Stoltz, Jeremy Roberts, Kathleen Barry, Tracey Needham, Jeff Ratner, David Magidoff, Tina, Anna Campbell, Coach Yeager, Todd Christian Hunter, Heather Button, Juliette Goglia, Melinda Button, Lisa Jay, Madison Sinclair, Amanda Noret, Bonnie Capistrano, Carlee Avers, Brianne Davis, Wendy, Jackie Debatin, Julia Lehman, Windell Middlebrooks, Nathan Frizzell, Laura Roth, Toni Trucks, Juliette Jeffers, eggs, egging, murder, miscarriage, death, sheriff, lingerie, underwear, sex work, sex workers, Loganica, break ups, love, marriage, Las Vegas, Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility, chest hair, truck nuts, vanity plates, toolbelts, sexpeople, Mario Kart, games, gaming, Nintendo, Space Ghost, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

VMI 3.050607 President Infidelity of Vice and Men transcript

HZ: What did you think about Loganica's couple Halloween costume, Jenny?
JOY: I didn't know what the fuck it was until I was just reading your notes, and now I see that they are the White Stripes for Halloween.
HZ: Yes. I'm not sure I would have noticed had I not been told, because I thought, "Is he doing Shaggy from Scooby Doo?"
JOY: Right. Like, what is that wig? The wig is not quite right.
HZ: The wigs are never right, Jenny.
JOY: The wigs are never right.
HZ: Even though she's got a whole wardrobe of wigs for her various sting operations. She makes more effort dressing up to do a sting than she does for this Halloween.
JOY: It's true. And has anybody told them that the whole thing with the White Stripes is, like, are they brother and sister or are they a couple?
HZ: Oh, that's some season one shit.
JOY: Exactly.
HZ: Get Duncan back in here!

transcript, Season 3VMI Pod8 December 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, Lo Dodds, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Professor Landry, Patrick Fabian, Tim Foyle, Lucky in a wig, James Jordan, Piz, Stosh Piznarski, Chris Lowell, Parker Lee, Julie Gonzalo, Max, Adam Rose, Harmony Chase, Laura San Giacomo, Vinnie Van Lowe, Ken Marino, Deputy Sacks, Jerry Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Coach Tom Barry, Matt McKenzie, Mercer Hayes, Ryan Devlin, Cyrus O’Dell, Ed Begley Jr, Mindy O’Dell, Jaime Ray Newman, Chastity Dotson, Nish Sweeney, Claire Nordhouse, Krista Kalmus, Moe Flater, Andrew McClain, Mason, Robert Ri'chard, Dianna Agron, Jenny Budosh, Professor David Winkler, Michael B Silver, Daran Norris, Cliff McCormack, Richard Grieco, Steven Batando, Jeff Ratner, David Magidoff, Taylor Sheridan, Danny Boyd, Fitzpatricks, Liam Fitzpatrick, Rodney Rowland, Detective Sanchez, Ruben C Gonzalez, Meryl, Amanda Walsh, Sully, Michael Grant Terry, LAPD, Harrison, Blake Shields, Danny Rossow, Ryan Pinkston, Rachel Rogers, Scarlett, Sandra McCoy, Tina Callis, Anna Campbell, mechanical engineering, Keith’s romances, The White Stripes, costumes, Halloween, the Dreaded Feminists, radio, bowling, River Styx, Chekhov’s things, casino, gambling, Loganica, Duncvonia, cheating, tests, exams, Twentynine Palms, 29 Palms, actors, short film, pranks, sabotage, cooking spray, accents, voicework, rape, robbery, theft, Lilly Kane, necklace, cocktails, fire, Mexico, bone marrow transplant, bone marrow, Porsche, cars, elaborate ruses, extortion, alibis, campus rapist, head shaving, GHB, drugs, physics, lasers, henleys, Samuel Horshack, Rafe, Hearst Prison Experiment, prison experiment, Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon, The Big Lebowski, lighting, the robot, sexpeople, accidental porn dialogue, sandwich puppets, Weevil’s toolbox

VMI 3.01 Welcome Wagon transcript

JOY: Veronica and Logan have just had some very sweaty sex. Very sweaty. So sweaty. Everyone's moist.
HZ: But she's a sexperson now. Of course, she has to ruin it.

VERONICA: Woof! You should seriously consider going pro in that.

JOY: Why, Veronica? Just savour the moment.
HZ: She can't. She has to ruin moments.
JOY: At least she doesn't say a Clint Eastwood quote right now, in bed.
HZ: Do you think she said one just before?
JOY: Before we got there? Yeah, totally.

Season 3, transcriptVMI Pod17 November 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, university, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Piz, Stosh Piznarski, Chris Lowell, Parker Lee, Julie Gonzalo, Mac, Cindy Mackenzie, Tina Majorino, Professor Landry, Hank Landry, Patrick Fabian, Tim Foyle, James Jordan, Vinnie Van Lowe, Ken Marino, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Moe Flater, Andrew McClain, Fitzpatricks, Cormac Fitzpatrick, Jason Beghe, Donald Fagin, Josh Harto, Deputy Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Dee Dee, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brigadoon, argyle, rape, campus rapist, murder, death, theft, bands, music, The Unwashed, criminology, murder mystery, Take Back the Night, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, windows, lighting, Clint Eastwood, Cassidy Casablancas, Greg Louganis, Hardy Boys, NYC, New York City, guns, guitars, Gretsch, Beaverton, Oregon, Portland, Battlestar Galactica, swearing, tasing, tasters, balaclavas, ski masks, hacky sack, fighting, fights, punching, costumes, clothes, sexpeople, Irish coffee, booze, alcohol, drunk, USD, UCSD, San Diego, dorms

VMI 2.22 Not Pictured transcript

HZ: I don't acknowledge dream sequences. You know this.
JOY: Ha, yeah.
HZ: Well, I don't acknowledge this one. Fucking Lianne Mars? I hadn't missed her, I'd forgotten all about her.
JOY: Yeah, I kind of forgot that she ever existed.
HZ: But she's bearing laundry, because, in this dream, she's the perfect mother - as in domestic, and just sort of smiling gently at everyone else who's more interesting. She's got a much bigger house...
ALANNA BENNETT: Yes.
HZ: ...and a pancake breakfast, and Keith's in sheriff's uniform, and Veronica body-shames herself.
ALANNA BENNETT: Yes, because she's still the Disney popular girl, and gullible. I like that in her head it's like, "I wish that I were still this, like, gullible little princess."
JOY: Ha! The good old days.

Season 2, transcriptVMI Pod13 October 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, Alanna Bennett, Kendall Casablancas, Charisma Carpenter, Jackie Cook, Tessa Thompson, Mac, Cindy Mackenzie, Tina Majorino, Aaron Echolls, Harry Hamlin, Steve Guttenberg, Woody Goodman, Principal Clemmons, Van Clemmons, Duane Daniels, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Leonard Lobo, Gil Birmingham, Deputy Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Clarence Wiedman, Christopher B. Duncan, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Adam Bitterman, Curly Moran, Ken Marino, Vinnie Van Lowe, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Lianne Mars, Corinne Bohrer, Corny, Jonathan Chesner, Peter Ferrer, Luke Fryden, Marcos Oliveres, Jeremy Ray Valdez, Manning parents, Mannings, Stewart Manning, bus crash, murder, child abuse, suicide, New York, Paris, graduation, Neptune Grand, explosions, bombs, planes, chlamydia, Loganica, dream sequences, retcons, parties, sex, rotatokissing, briefcases, Little League, Sharks, Mr Lee, lawyers, incorporation, glasses, The Wig, sexpeople, bacon, taxidermy, Quail Creek Lodge, hunting, Weevil’s grandma, arrests, pony, NYC, Harry Styles, Madison Square Garden, Sugarhill Gang, babies, children, Brooklyn, tasers, tasing, Woody’s Burgers, Comic Sans, Hart Hanson, Dilemma, Nelly, Kelly Rowland, shower curtains, sandcastles, Gilmore Girls, college, Phoenix Land Trust, airport, JFK, rewards, pelvic wreckage

VMI 2.16 The Rapes of Graff transcript

JOY: Has anyone ever puked on you in a romantic setting?
HZ: No.
JOY: Good. Hey, that's good.
HZ: Have they puked on you in a romantic setting?
JOY: Hell, no, I don't think so.
HZ: Don't think I've been puked on. A friend of mine at school puked in a jigsaw box at my house. That was unfortunate.
JOY: Ugh.
HZ: And two different friends puked in my mother's wellington boots.
JOY: What? On different occasions?
HZ: Yes.
JOY: Or like one per boot, at different times?
HZ: Different times.
JOY: Why? Why there?
HZ: I don't think you can really accurately find out from someone that is drunk enough to puke into a boot.
JOY: OK. Was the second person aware that the first person had done it at an earlier point? Was it a copycat puking? Or no?
HZ: I don't think, again, if you're in a state where you're going to puke in a boot, that you have the presence of mind to think, "Oh, I'll make it a callback."
JOY: OK, OK, OK. You might be surprised, Helen, what people are capable of.

Season 2, transcriptVMI Pod11 August 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, Troy Vandegraff, Aaron Ashmore, Hannah Griffith, Jessy Schram, Daran Norris, Cliff McCormack, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Danny Boyd, Taylor Sheridan, Mrs Murphy, Linda Castro, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Arrested Development, Hearst College, Madison Sinclair, Amanda Noret, Zach McNees, Felix’s murder, Felix Toombs, rape, sex crime, Torrance High School, vomit, puke, sick, Roman numerals, Dean, Drew, Chip, jerks, awful white boys of Neptune, Sugar Jones, sex workers, sex, sexpeople, cake, Ozzy Osbourne, boarding school, Woody Goodman, essay contest, blowing shit up, Shark Field, explosives, detonation, Fitzpatricks

VMI 2.07 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner transcript

JENNY OWEN YOUNGS: But if you had to choose a favourite Ninja Turtle...
HELEN ZALTZMAN: I don't know what their different personalities are, Jenny.
JENNY OWEN YOUNGS: OK, let me just run it down for you really quick.
HELEN ZALTZMAN: Which one's the Logan and which one's the Duncan?
JENNY OWEN YOUNGS: Right. Exactly. Well, Duncan is sort of the Leonardo. Michelangelo is like Dick. He's like, "Wazzup?" And then Raphael is like Logan because he has a lot of anger issues. And then Donatello, do we have like a recurring super smart person on this show? I guess Mac would be the closest? Mac is Donatello. Cool. Nailed it. And then Keith is like Splinter. And then Mr Echolls is like Shredder. And then all the one episode 09ers are the foot soldiers, the Foot Clan. Cool. Thanks for listening.
HELEN ZALTZMAN: Are all shows truly the same?
JENNY OWEN YOUNGS: All shows are one show.
HELEN ZALTZMAN: It's the same characters, but different shells.

transcript, Season 2VMI Pod19 May 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Ms Hauser, Kendall Casablancas, Charisma Carpenter, Kyle Gallner, Cassidy Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Dick Casablancas, Richard Casablancas, Betina Casablancas, Madison Sinclair, Amanda Noret, Gia Goodman, Krysten Ritter, Woody Goodman, Steve Guttenberg, Jessica Fuller, Meg Manning, Manning family, Grace Manning, Manning parents, Tom Griffith, Rick Peters, Felix’s murder, child abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, Dirty Dancing, babysitting, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, milk, Kari Coleman, Switched at Birth, Jane, gonorrhoea, chlamydia, STIs, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, tropes, awful boys of Neptune, Edwin, Albert, Stuart Fuller, photoshop, mirrors, back of heads, Rihanna, sleepovers, basics, pizza, Pon De Replay, hair, butts, Pretty Woman, panty raids, Milk Tray, Milk Tray Man, turtlenecks, air vents, handwriting, graphology, money, finances, FBLOA, Future Business Leaders of America, French maids’ outfits, shit parents, sexpeople, inappropriate behaviour, propositions, toilet office, plastic surgeon, cigars, cigar shop, golf, incorporation, burglary

Special Investigation: Pride and Prejudice transcript

JOY: For 40 percent of my grade, I am going to attempt to tell you what happened in Pride and Prejudice.
HZ: I'm so excited to finally learn what happens in Pride and Prejudice...
JOY: Well, I mean...
HZ: …through the prism of Jenny Owen Youngs's mind.
JOY: You've never seen Pride and Prejudice quite like this. And content note, this episode of Veronica Mars Investigations contains heavy themes and bonnets.

special episode, transcriptVMI Pod28 April 2020recap, TV, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, novels, special episode, bonus, literature, BBC, miniseries, 1995, Colin Firth, Jennifer Ehle, Mr Darcy, Lizzie Bennet, Elizabeth Bennet, Lydia Bennet, Julia Sawalha, Alison Steadman, Benjamin Whitrow, Mr Collins, Lady Catherine De Bourgh, fancy houses, period dramas, Regency, marriage, balls, dances, dancing, etiquette, Emilia Fox, Anna Chancellor, romance, Adrian Lukis, Mr Bingley, Crispin Bonham-Carter, Lucy Davis, Susannah Harker, 19th century, bonnets, wet shirt, soggy Darcy, top hats, cravats, tiny jackets, Pemberley, Wickham, cads, courtship, patriarchy, family, daughters, cousins, Derbyshire, wedlock, bad trousers, front butt trousers, Mary Bennet, Kitty Bennet, Mozart, Turkish Rondo, sexpeople, entailment, heirs, property, negging, class, wealth, hierarchy, David Bamber, soldiers, military, regiment, Brighton, weddings, Pride and JOY

VMI 2.03 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang transcript

HZ: I have two other reasons that I think account for Veronica's hostility. One is: I think she senses that Jackie is a sexperson. She has already said in the previous episode that she hasn't dated a high school guy since eighth grade. She makes reference to actors she's been out with. She's a sexperson. But I think the true reason she dislikes Jackie is because Jackie also wears tiny jackets.
JOY: Tiny jacket competition. They have to have a tiny jacket-off.
HZ: Who's got the tiniest jacket? And also, Jackie's name is so close to ‘jacket’.
JOY: Wow. Yes. Also really regretting saying 'tiny jacket-off'.

transcript, Season 2VMI Pod6 April 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, bus crash, Curly Moran, Kendall Casablancas, Charisma Carpenter, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Duncvonica, Richard Casablancas, David Starzyk, Tessa Thompson, Jackie Cook, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Mr Pope, Michael Kostroff, Nathan Woods, Cress Williams, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Chicago, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, novels, literature, period drama, Colin Firth, Mr Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet, hotel jazz, jazz, karaoke, Courtney Taylor-Taylor, crimes against music, songs, Love Hurts, prenups, infidelity, sex, sexpeople, gym, long lens, surveillance, scams, property, property scams, illegal, helicopters, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Future Business Leaders of America, REITs, finances, shares, punching, fighting, boats, milk, milkshakes, milky drinks, Aaron Echolls, Echolls home, stunts, stuntman, police badge, Neptune Onlyplace, Java The Hut, Twin Peaks, Dandy Warhols, Lars, William Burroughs, Mystic Pizza, Sandpiper, hotels, fraud, theft, teapots, FBLA

VMI 2.02 Driver Ed transcript

HZ: It's interesting seeing Tessa Thompson in this, given that her career is now stellar.
JOY: Yeah, another person who was in Veronica Mars who is now incredibly successful.
HZ: And I'm happy for her; she's very charismatic, I think, on screen even in this but I feel like she's done a bit of a disservice with the character in this. I think they're not quite sure who Jackie is, because they have just piled all of the styles on her at once. She's wearing elements of five very different outfits at most times.
JOY: She's like a girl group. But like all five of them at a time. Sporty, Ginger, Scary, Baby -
HZ: And Belts.

transcript, Season 2VMI Pod30 March 2020Kendall Casablancas, Charisma Carpenter, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Duncvonica, Richard Casablancas, David Starzyk, Tessa Thompson, Jackie Cook, Terrence Cook, Jeffrey Sams, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, bus crash, cars, journalists, journalists in disguise, hacky sack, Never Been Kissed, sex, sex people, bus driver, Kevin Smith, Clerks, Wallace’s romances, Porsche, Detective Wallace, clerk, convenience store, Curly Moran, last meal, Ari Graynor, Jessie, Ed Doyle, depression, mental health, mental illness, payphone, phonecall, St Christopher, Duane, guns, shooting range, Deputy Sacks, The Shelby One, punching, apples, Granny Smith, Dawn Lamb, Cotters, affairs, sheriff, meerkat, meerkat meat, sexpeople, nonsexpeople, Neptune Grand, necktie belts, clothes made of ties, ties, costuming, costumes, clothes, Nelly, condoms, Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2