VMI 1.15 Ruskie Business transcript
Listen to this episode at VMIpod.com/1-15.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
A Russian mail order bride wants Veronica to find her lost love, an actor named Tom Cruz. (Not that Tom Cruise.)
Meg Manning wants Veronica to find the identity of her secret admirer - which rich white boy of Neptune could it be?
Logan’s on hotel stakeout in the hopes of finding his mom
Why is Keith being tailed by two guys in terrible suits?
And could one of them lend Logan some pants?
JOY: Knocking on the window of your car in a Miami Vice suit, I’m Jenny Owen Youngs
HZ: And not being stingy with the glitter, I’m Helen Zaltzman
JOY: You’re listening to Veronica Mars Investigations Season 1, episode 15: Ruskie Business.
HZ: ‘Ruskie Business’ - combining the interests of this episode in 80s theming, and Russians - on business.
JOY: Yes, yes - on business.
HZ: In Risky Business, which I'm trying to remember if I've seen or not - it's the kind of film that's been referenced so much that I feel like maybe I have seen it and didn't - a character steals an expensive egg, just like in Episode 10 of Veronica Mars.
JOY: Oh my god, really? Is it a Fabergé egg? Or is it some different kind of expensive egg? Is it a dragon egg?
HZ: It's a Steuben glass egg
JOY: A Steuben glass egg. Okay. Helen, I have a question.
HZ: Yes.
JOY: Would you please consider, if you're not already going with somebody else, accompanying me to the Total Eclipse of the Heart dance happening at NeptuneHigh this very weekend, this very episode?
HZ: Oh my god, I would love to, thank you so much.
JOY: Fantastic. Okay, great. It's a date.
HZ: Great. Pick me up at seven?
JOY: And I shall, in a limo. We can swing by the beach, you can go for a quick skinny dip, I'll keep a lookout for the police to make sure you don't accidentally end up on the sex offender's registry. We can then swing by the salon so you can redo your hair, which will have been ruined by your skinny dip. And then onwards to the dance.
HZ: Sounds like a great night.
JOY: And I think this is a no pants dance. That's that's the impression I've gotten from the episode up to this point.
HZ: Yeah, I guess it is Valentine's time. There's a lot of hearts hanging up in the school corridors. There's this big banner saying “Total Eclipse of the Heart". Hopefully that doesn't mean that Neptune High School is going to be reenacting the video of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, which is set in a boys’ school. But if they did, I reckon Jane Lynch should play Bonnie Tyler. It's strange to me that ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ has now occurred in all three of my podcasts, because in a recent episode of Answer Me This!, we had an in depth discussion about the video. And a couple of years ago, there's a landmark Allusionist episode about someone who lost nearly all of their vocabulary after having a stroke during karaoke of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’.
JOY: Oh my god.
HZ: It's a very joyful episode, Jenny. But it does make me feel a frisson now, if I go to karaoke and that song comes on.
JOY: Yeah, that - who knew - argh, I'm stressed out.
HZ: I'm so sorry.
JOY: I've never karaoked, and now I'm starting to really feel like that has been the right choice up to this point.
HZ: But anyway, out on the school tables, whilst all of this dance paraphernalia is up in the school in the background, we have Veronica and Logan going through credit charges on Lynn Echolls's credit card, including one for a rental car, a red convertible Benz.
JOY: Yes, which sounds very Lynn, so it's all very plausible. And we see, I think, Logan say his first sincere “thank you"? Maybe his first sincere anything of the entire series.
HZ: Also does a sincere shoulder squeeze, and they have this little bonding, as well, because she's like, “I know what it's like to want to find your mom." And she does. Also I felt like visually they were deliberately tied together because Veronica is wearing a tiny pink jacket, which does go with the Valentine's colours, but she's also wearing a shirt that has stripes in the same colour as Logan's wearing because he's wearing sludge over his rusty red t-shirt that he wore to the soup kitchen. And so I feel like you're meant to have that impression subtly that these characters are somewhat bonded, and also maybe - because Veronica's wearing this bright pink which is the same colour as the Total Eclipse of the Heart banner, that maybe she's open for love this episode. Costumes tell a story!
JOY: You know what else tells a story, Helen? Glitter! And the lack of stinginess as you apply it to this 80s dance! Where are people just winging the glitter? The party planner, director of the spring musical edition of Duncan.
HZ: Spin the wheel of Duncan and you get Glitter Superintendent Duncan. He is in charge of making sure that the dance - the 80s themed dance - is glittery enough and he's got a clipboard.
DUNCAN: Don’t be stingy with the glitter. Remember: it’s an 80s dance.
HZ: He looks very amused with himself. He asks Veronica if Logan just asked her to the dance.
JOY: Yeah, you know that classic thing where your ex-boyfriend is just like, joking around with you about whether or not his best friend just asked you to the dance? Veronica says no one's asked her to the dance, but she's been pining by the phone. And Duncan's like, “Hey, you never know." This interaction is so weird. And the only reasonable place it could go from here is the fucking drama of this voiceover: “Oh, Duncan. You know my heart was eclipsed long ago." Veronica! Pull your shit together and tie it up and put it in the freezer and take it out in ten years. What the hell?
HZ: She flashes back to a previous dance where she's kissing Duncan and mercifully this is interrupted by the present and Meg is back - that's nice, isn't it?
JOY: Meg! Yes. And she's got a ‘girl emergency’.
HZ: She's also wearing pink. She's got kind of pink cricket sweater with a green trim, and so she and Veronica both wearing pink and green, slightly clashing shades thereof. Do you ever run up to your friends going, "Girl problem!"?
JOY: All the time, non stop - Helen, why are you asking me? You know how many times have I texted you "girl problem!"
HZ: And those problems are usually like: you can't get a ribbon to tie correctly.
JOY: Yeah, yeah, I'm terrible at at lacing up my own corset.
HZ: You're wondering why you getting paid 30% less than men doing the same job.
JOY: Yeah. Am I milking this cow right? You know how it is.
HZ: Yeah. Why do I get more complaints about my voice than men do? Girl problems. Meg's girl problem is a fun one. She's got a secret admirer.
JOY: Oh my god. Could somebody please go to Neptune high school? I will do it. I will teach a seminar in - I'm not out here trying to say that I have game, but there is something seriously lacking in the mating rituals of the teens of Neptune High. Meg was on a bus back from an away game and received a text that said, "I THINK UR" - spelled U R - "KEWL" - spelled K E W L.
HZ: Her secret admirer is Poochie from The Simpsons.
JOY: Oh god - okay, first of all, I may be forgetting how text messaging functioned in 2005. I'm open to that possibility, Helen.
HZ: You had to misspell things, it was obligatory back then.
JOY: Well, a) you have to misspell things and also b) wouldn't the fucking phone number show up? Wouldn't you see incoming text from *phone number*? Isn't that how you would be able to send a return text? The fact that like everyone is pretending that there's less information here - you think Veronica Mars can't go on private eyez with a zed.com and punch in that phone number and find out who it belongs to?
HZ: I certainly think she could, but I guess they need this plot to go for forty minutes. And also sweet Meg - sweet, naive Meg - assumes that the text must have come from one of two people on the bus who are visibly on their phones just after she'd read the text. Because you can only receive text from people on the same buses as you?
JOY: Yes, yes, yes, there was a proximity in effect in 2005. First of all, why is she into this guy? First of all, what is convincing to her about "I think UR kewl"? Meg is a beautiful smart young woman. Why is this enough to pique her interest?
HZ: She's an easy mark though. We saw her previous boyfriend who seemed absolute trash. The guy without a name, remember? No you don't, because ou've wiped him.
JOY: But she's open to love. She's too pure.
HZ: She's narrowed it down to two guys. Someone sweet but moony called Martin, or someone called Caz who's flirty, but he would flirt with a trashcan if it had boobs.
JOY: Trying to picture a trash can with boobs. Hang on one second.
HZ: Pretty sexy.
JOY: Okay, please go on. I'm ready.
HZ: But Meg needs to find out who, because it could be her soulmate - there's a lot of soulmate chat this episode.
JOY: Meg, you're 16, you barely even have a soul let alone its mate. Her soul is still baking! -
HZ: You're basically a trash can with boobs!
JOY: HELEN!
HZ: Lovely innocent trash can. Or maybe not a trash can but one of those gift tins full of Chupa Chups - with boobs.
JOY: By any chance is Chupa Chup caramel-covered popcorn because I don't know what it what comes in a foody gift tin other than caramel-covered popcorn?
HZ: That would also work because it's very sweet and insubstantial. Chupa Chups are a lollipop.
JOY: Oh, a lollipop. A Chupa Chup!
HZ: Chupa chups!
JOY: Thank you.
HZ: Over at Mars HQ. I noticed for the first time that by the door there are five tall but sparsely leaved potted plants by the door, and I wonder whether they're on the way in or on their way out. In his office, Keith has got someone with a shapely pair of getaway sticks.
JOY: OK, now I'm picturing a trash can with boobs and a shapely pair of getaway sticks.
HZ: Send a corsage and ask it to the dance.
JOY: I shall!
HZ: He's busy with an insurance case. So he gets Veronica to handle this client. He's like, “It should only take half an hour, just charge them $75." And then Veronica's voiceover is cynical about romance because she's already seen too much of the disastrous aftermath of love.
JOY: Yes, don't you remember the total eclipse of her heart from a flashback back a minute ago?
HZ: It's just Duncan though. How strong can her feelings be?
JOY: To you and I, but not to her...
HZ: Her feelings are as strong as semi-skimmed milk.
JOY: Bleurgh! ‘Semi-skimmed’ - what you just stop halfway through? Oh, oh my god. Don't get okay, you're in Duncan's house. You open the fridge and it's just like floor to ceiling bottles of milk and bottles of glitter.
HZ: Oh, I'd obviously drink the glitter, obviously.
JOY: Yeah. Well, I think he might like to just like tap some of the glitter into each bottle of milk as he goes. That's my working theory of the moment.
HZ: So who is this trash can with boobs and getaway sticks, Jenny?
JOY: My god!! Her name is Catherine.
HZ: Catarina Lenova.
JOY: And she made a mistake involving love. And she came to Chicago as the fiancee of a gentleman who she was going to marry, but he was slightly balding and therefore she got cold feet and ran away but then she realised what a good thing she had. So she's desperately trying to find him - but it's hard, because he changed his name. He's an actor and his name was Tom Cruz with a Z - Tom Cruz with a Zed dot com - and she can't find him. She's desperate to find him, and the last - and the last missive that she got from him was a postcard that was postmarked from Neptune, California. So here she is.
HZ: Well, kids, a postcard: it's like dumping someone by text, but there's a picture attached and it takes days to get there. And also, a postmark is like an IP address that tells you approximately where the postcard was sent from. Catarina Lenova says that the postcard was sent several months ago, and yet the postmark says it was sent in February 2005, which is when this episode is set. So what the shit? The postcard says "Catherine, thank you for the good days but I need to move on. I won't be in touch again, Tom" - in confusing handwriting, because most of it is very uneven and not joined up at all, but then the signature “Tom” is written joined up in quite a nice cursive.
JOY: Oh, joined up is like cursive? Which they're no longer teaching in schools; future generations won't even understand what they're looking at when they see the signature.
HZ: I do wonder whether it is a relevant skill for today's children. Other things to note about Catarina Lenova: she's a Russian internet order bride from Bratsk, which is a real town in Russia. And she's played by Cynthia LaMontagne, who features in two episodes of Buffy - ‘Checkpoint’ and ‘Never Leave Me’ - and her most recent IMDb credit was as a bartender in the Kristen Bell joint Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Ringing any Buffy bells?
JOY: She plays a watcher. She actually plays an English woman who wears a lot of tweed; she runs with a gang of other English people who wear lots of tweed. They're very academic. They're sort of the academic/bureaucratic organisation tha trains and informs and theoretically supports the slayers. Wow, okay, this is this is like really clicking into place. So this is a new person to the list of Buffy-Veronica crossovers.
HZ: It's a pretty big list.
JOY: It's a pretty big list and there's three in this episode.
HZ: Three? I've missed one.
JOY: Caz. Caz is in an episode of Buffy.
HZ: Oh, fuck, yeah. So Veronica thinks this case shouldn't be too hard. $75 to me seems like a bargain. So at home Veronica does some searching for Tom Cruz with a Z, while Wallace is on the couch watching TV and eating potato chips.
VERONICA: How hard can it be to find an actor named Tom Cruz?
WALLACE: Tom Cruise? Not as good a private eye as I thought.
HZ: I love how he's now more comfortable than Veronica in her own home.
JOY: Hell yeah, as it should be.
VERONICA: Hey, you’re on the basketball team, right?
WALLACE: You obviously haven’t seen us play. I am the basketball team.
JOY: Dude, this is disturbing. Veronica doesn't even know for sure if Wallace is on the basketball team. She says, “Wallace, you're on the basketball team, right?” A) He is the basketball team and B) just one or two episodes ago was what Wallace described at length a recent moment of triumph of his on the basketball team while Veronica uh-huhed him. So who knows how many times that exact scenario has played out where Wallace has told Veronica any number of things about his personal life and what's going on with him and she's uh-huhed all the way through to the point where she doesn't even know that he's on the basketball team. What the hell?
HZ: We're interested, Wallace. We're interested. Or maybe she's like, "He's a foot too short to be on the basketball team. So ignore that.”
JOY: No, no, no, you can't put a height restriction on pure talent that Wallace obviously has.
HZ: I've seen Teen Wolf.
JOY: Yes, exactly.
HZ: But now it's useful to have that Wallace is on the basketball team, because so are the aforementioned Caz and Martin, Meg's two candidates for secret admirer. And so Veronica has the awful plan that Wallace should look at their cellphones to see if they texted her. Veronica hasn't even checked Meg's assumption that the texter is one of these two people or even tried to get the number.
JOY: It's so bad. Veronica, this is not your wisest series of moves. And man doesn't Wallace just ever get tired of this?
WALLACE: What is it with you girls and your girly-girl drama? What are you now? A love detective?
VERONICA: Wallace, if you do this for me, we’ll be best friends forever. Come on, don’t you want us to be BFF?
HZ: Perfect time for him to say "no".
JOY: "No, I'd like to opt out actually. Unsubscribe!”
HZ: “I've had six months now of pre gaming this and it's a nightmare.” Veronica is being a good friend, at least, to Meg in this episode.
JOY: Which is nice to see.
HZ: Yeah. Because Meg is lovely. Who wouldn't want to be her friend? Or to send her a big mauve and pink bouquet with a lot of plastic-looking ferns in it, which is what she's got at her locker at school?
JOY: Yes. Allegedly “purple faced monkey orchids."
HZ: Aaand Veronica does another accent. An Australian one.
VERONICA: Purple faced monkey orchid. Native to the King Leopold range in the Australian outback. My deduction? [Australian accent] Your secret admirer is an aboriginal tribesman.
HZ: Is this a clue that the secret admirer is Duncan played by Teddy Dunn, who was born in Australia? Is that what this is?
JOY: Maybe!
HZ: Otherwise what is this for?
JOY: The writers and directors have been just waiting for a moment where they could employ Kristen Bell's Australian accent.
HZ: Hmm. Wait a little longer.
JOY: Please.
HZ: I would sooner see Duncan do an Australian accent.
JOY: Okay, so Meg receives these flowers and they come with an invitation to the dance. Yes, yes, yes.
HZ: And then on the bus, the jock one, Caz, leaps off the bus to ask Meg to a rager that he's holding. And so Wallace takes the opportunity to rifle through his bag upon Veronica's command, but for some reason picks up Caz's jockstrap, holds it and grimaces at it for several seconds until he gets caught! Why would you even touch it? You know it's not a phone, it's made of jockstrap.
JOY: You know it's a jockstrap, you know what it is. Also did you know that - I went down a very brief cursory googling rabbit hole and discovered that there are Jill Straps, which I probably should have known.
HZ: Jill Straps. Jillian Straps.
JOY: Jillian Straps, Esquire. She's a trash can with boobs and a well-protected nether region.
HZ: I'm going to ask her to prom! I'm going to get her a corsage made of elastic.
JOY: So am I believe that from the picture on the wiki that you wear underwear over a jockstrap? Or you wear a jockstrap instead of underwear? What exactly is going on here? These are the real mysteries Veronica should be investigating. Anyway, Wallace should put that jockstrap down.
HZ: Caz, the jockstrap fungus of this episode, is played by Zachery Ty Bryan, who a the star of home improvement and the Buffy episode ‘Help’. Apparently he is also a big Trump fan.
JOY: He also - I feel like you would not be surprised to learn - in the Buffy episode that he's in, he wears a long, dark robe with a hood -
HZ: - and a jockstrap?
JOY: - as a member of a secret society carrying out nefarious plans. Okay, we have to get out of here.
HZ: He doesn't do that much nefarious planning in this.
JOY: I guess like coming hot off of Clash of the Tritons, it all seems of a world.
HZ: Yeah. Jocks and straps. You can divide the world into jocks and straps. At the Mars HQ, Veronica tells Catarina Lenova that Keith has been unable to find any trace of Tom Cruz, but she could hire Mr. Mars full time for $250 a day. And she's up for that. She's like, “Get him to work as fast as he can." And of course, Keith's not involved in any of this because he's off with busy insurance fraud shit to do.
JOY: Yeah. And Veronica is asking some questions to get like a more complete picture of Tom and figure out like what she can use in order to help her find him. She's like, “Tell me about him." And Catarina says, “He's sweet and kind and he makes me laugh," and Veronica, whose heart, whose icy little iceberg of a heart is starting to crack and melt as though it were being globally warmed is, really, she's just like starting to be impacted by this. And she's like, “No, no, that's not exactly what I meant. Like, tell me about his hobbies or whatever." And we find out he plays hockey. He plays guitar not very well. He likes detective movies and Chinese food and that seems like enough for Veronica to place a casting notice.
HZ: Yeah, with a fax number for people to send headshots. And at home, she gets some faxes and she's also got a website up on her laptop screen with a photo of a cow. So I wonder whether she's working on her milking skills that were proving so lacking at the Mooncalf collective. Wallace arrives, angry.
WALLACE: About this secret mission.
VERONICA: What’cha got?
WALLACE: A reputation as a jock-sniffer. You can be your own FF. I’m retired.
HZ: I'll be so sad Jenny, when you say to me that I can be my own FF.
JOY: No you - I'll never allow you to be your own FF unless you so choose.
HZ: Thank you. But then, but then Wallace is distracted by an unusual dog in the photo of Tom Cruz that Catarina gave to Veronica.
VERONICA: You think that’s some kind of rare breed or something?
WALLACE: That or a drunk dingo had a threeway with an ocelot and a porcupine.
[phone rings]
VERONICA: Hold that thought.
JOY: Does Wallace know that when you have a threeway and then somebody gets pregnant that the baby does not favour all three of the participants of the threeway traditionally?
HZ: Also does he know what porcupines look like?
JOY: True! Well, they do have like a sort of like snout thing that I could see in this dog a little bit. But yeah, it does look like he's just casting about trying to think of insulting-looking animals.
HZ: Although fair play, it does look a bit like an ocelot and a drunk dingo had bred. And maybe a porcupine is the unicorn in their relationship. But here, Detective Wallace finds the critical clue, because the headshots is just a load of red herring bullshit. And then Veronica gets another notification that Lynn Echolls' credit card has been used - $1200 at the Sunset Regent. She calls Logan, and gets what I think is the first example in the show of a Logan Echolls voicemail greeting with an inspirational quote.
LOGAN’S VOICEMAIL: This is Logan with today’s inspirational greeting: “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” - Eleanor Roosevelt. Leave a message.
HZ: Did you feel inspired, Jenny?
JOY: I did feel inspired and it like it warmed and lifted my heart. My heart was also warmed and lifted when I paused on the credit card screen of Lynn Echolls’s recent charges and saw represented the catering charges from the holiday party - which is neither here nor there, I just appreciate that somebody bothered to insert relevant charges to the events of the show on this little screenshot. Thank you.
HZ: I appreciate your detective work, Jenny.
JOY: Anytime, Helen, any excuse to get the old magnifying glass out.
HZ: So Veronica and Logan go to the Sunset Regent hotel. Logan is wearing camo trousers to blend in wherever he is. And there's a tinkly piano but a really shitty ceiling, so is this place posh or is it not posh?
JOY: Difficult to say for sure.
HZ: Veronica runs in shouting apologies for being late to Logan in order to attract attention - calls him Honey, kisses him on the face. They approach the reception desk and say that they're looking for a honeymoon suite even though they're clearly dressed as casual 17-year-olds.
JOY: Two teens, yeah!
HZ: There's a supercilious receptionist. You can tell he’s supercilious because he's got an English accent. And I know what we represent to you.
JOY: Now now. Now now, Helen. It's just a happy coincidence.
HZ: And what's great is Veronica thumps down this massive white fabric-covered Wedding Scrapbook on the desk.
JOY: Where did this come from?
HZ: Right - did she make it just for this? Did she already have it in the Mars props cupboard? Did she buy it from a thrift store? Did she get it from one of the Mars aggrieved brides in their broken relationships? I can't tell whether Logan is getting into the performance of this or just like dying throughout.
JOY: I think Logan just like is enduring what must be endured to reach his his end goal.
HZ: And so then the receptionist hands Veronica a binder of their luxury suites, which she's nauseated by all of, except one. Yeah.
JOY: Except one, the one that's exactly 1200 dollars a night - no tax - as reflected on Lynn Echolls’ credit card. No tax on hotel rooms in California for some reason.
HZ: Oh, sure!
JOY: And so there it is. So now they know they've found where the room has been charged. Logan basically decides that he's going to just hang there and stake it out.
HZ: Veronica, meanwhile, is tracking down a pair of elusive Romeos - and I suppose there is a thematic similarity in her investigations this week. Off she is to the florist that sent that bouquet to Meg, and Manny The Florist is a real treat.
JOY: Incredibly unhelpful.
HZ: He's the biggest, grizzliest florist I've ever seen. He expresses himself through flowers rather than through words. When he tries to describe the person who ordered the bouquet:
MANNY: Yeah, yeah. Unusual order. Most kids order straight up, like roses and baby’s breath. No damn imagination. But this kid, he, you know, he’s thinking outside the box, you know?
VERONICA: What did he look like?
MANNY: Yeah, right. He’s not a bad looking kid. Kinda medium-sized, you know? He’s got that look, you know, that look, you know?
VERONICA: What look?
MANNY: You know, kinda that, uh, high school kid look.
VERONICA: Okay. Uh, thanks a bunch, Manny.
HZ: It's fair, because we've found that the rich white boys of Neptune do all look the same.
JOY: They really do.
HZ: So how could you expect Manny to distinguish them?
JOY: Yeah, it's not Manny's fault.
HZ: Wallace is doing some good detective helping at Mars HQ, leafing through a book of dogs. Wallace does not like bald dogs. Just like Catarina didn't like bald Tom Cruz.
JOY: Oh my gosh, a lot of, er -
HZ: Bald-shaming.
JOY: - anti-bald sentiment in this episode.
WALLACE: Mexican hairless. What’s the point of having a dog if it’s bald? What are you gonna pet? Skin?
JOY: Rude. Wallace! I love to see Wallace leafing through a big book of dog breeds though. I would also love to see myself leafing through a big book of dog breeds; it looks really fun.
HZ: It looks like the funnest kind of detective work.
JOY: Yes exactly - if that was what PIs did on a day to day basis, I would already be a PI.
HZ: Keith, however is astonished that they are still working on this case. She was supposed to have just hatched and dispatched it very quickly.
VERONICA: I just thought it would be nice if, instead of breaking people up, we brought them together for once.
KEITH: Honey, we’re private investigators, not the frigging Love Boat.
HZ: Veronica looks at a photo of Tom Cruz.
JOY: And then she's like -
HZ: Enhance enhance enhance!
JOY: Enhance enhance enhance! Discovering that Steve is the name of the dog. And just then, as she finishes her enhancing, Wallace discovers that Steve is a catahoula leopard dog.
HZ: That was a new dog breed to me. And apparently, catahoula leopard dogs have quite a massive range of physical appearances, so it's lucky that the dog in the picture and the dog in the book lined up.
JOY: What are the odds, thank God! And then Veronica starts calling around to various veterinarians to see if she can find one that has seen Steve, the catahoula leopard dog, and the first place that she calls is the exotic animal hospital. Veronica, just because a breed of a dog is new to you does not mean that it is an exotic animal. Maybe she's like, "Well, it could be the product of a dingo and an ocelot. There's no information in the dog breed book that confirms that it's not."
HZ: That crazy night when they both fucked a porcupine.
JOY: Yep, yep, yep. Who could forget?
HZ: I believe these are quite a common working dog in some parts. It's the state dog of Louisiana.
JOY: I didn't even know there were state dogs.
HZ: What a turn up for Jenny Owen Youngs - what's the state dog of California?
JOY: Hell yeah, let's find out.
HZ: So really she should have been calling around the Hospital for State Dogs. Minnesota State dog is the Labrador Retriever - good one. Lucky bastards.
JOY: !!! Only thirteen states have an official state dog and California and New Jersey are both not on that list.
HZ: Well, California recently named the shelter pet as its state animal.
JOY: That's beautiful.
HZ: Pennsylvania has the Great Dane.
JOY: I can tell you that Idyllwild, which is a couple hours outside of LA, has a mayor who is a golden retriever, Mayor Max, who is the second golden retriever named Max to be the Mayor of Idyllwild actually.
HZ: I don't mean to be rude, but is a dog qualified for mayoral jobs?
JOY: Have you cast an eye about around at at American politicians recently?
HZ: Okay. At least dogs are earnest and bad at lying.
JOY: Yes. Terrible at lying.
HZ: Okay, now I'm fully on board. I regret saying it. She finds a likely dog candidate at one of these dog hospitals and asked if they can call the owner to suggest that he breeds Steve with her dog, which apparently had a flirt at the dog beach. And the hospital calls back pretty swiftly, which is very nice of them, to say that the owner has said no. Which I think is reasonable.
JOY: Yeah, incredible that they were able to achieve that in such a narrow window.
HZ: Very efficient.
JOY: Yeah. And helpful for the next scene. Because off we go, Veronica and Meg and all of us, to the Neptune Sheriff department. And oh, who should be working but Leo?
HZ: Fancy that! Veronica and Meg are dressed up for Caz's rager, but the real party is at the sheriff's department. And there's a sketch artist pencil sketch of Veronica on the wall with horns.
JOY: I love this.
HZ: So I guess Leo is processing his grievances in a reasonably healthy way.
JOY: It doesn't feel malicious, somehow; it just feels adorable.
HZ: The sketch artist has come up from San Diego for a sketch artist audition, I guess. And guess what? Veronica knows him already.
JOY: Yeah, he's apparently done other stints at the Neptune Sheriff's Department?
HZ: Well, the actor Scott Michael Morgan has a lot of single episode credits on IMDB for law enforcement-related roles. Of course Veronica is here for a favour that might get Leo fired. She needs whatever phone number the vet clinic called, during that time. Leo is not that keen to supply it.
VERONICA: Leo, there is a long and proud history of mutual back scratching between cops and private dicks.
LEO: So when do you scratch my back?
HZ: Around minute 40 of this episode. I like that Meg, surveying the scene, says:
MEG: My, Veronica, he totally wants to protect and serve you.
JOY: Hell yeah!
HZ: Meg might be a fool about her own romance situations, but not about Veronica's.
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: The one thing that is enjoyable to me about Caz's rager, which is where we're off to next, is that it's not in his home, it's in a show home with a cheesy picture of a couple - Chekhov's cheesy picture of a couple.
JOY: Yeah, how convenient to have your parents building developments or whatever so you can go have a party in a weird test home.
HZ: It seems very Bluth family to me.
JOY: Oh yeah, totally.
HZ: Meg and Caz don't seem to have that much chemistry; there's sort of awkward interaction, no flirting, and then Caz turns away to do some sports bore talk with some guys then knocks a drink all over Meg.
JOY: Yeah, he also doesn't even remember that she's a cheerleader.
HZ: And yet Meg is still pursuing this thing. The guy Martin that she also mentioned earlier, the one who's moony, he's doing some thing with a blender while she's looking for a towel and he's like, "Well it's a fake house there's no towels” - and yet there's a working blender?
JOY: I guess they probably brought that in for the party.
HZ: But not a towel?
JOY: Just the essentials, Helen, just the essentials - margaritas!
HZ: I hope they brought toilet paper. Parties without toilet paper: just disgusting. And he offers Meg Caz's sweater to towel off on. Veronica borrows his phone, and because he's so sweet and innocent, he lends it, and she tries to look at whether he sent the text but the battery promptly dies.
JOY: Curses, it's dying, what are the odds?
HZ: The odds are pretty slim then, because you used to be able to charge your phone and it would last for six days. Duncan is still wearing the same zip sweater as he was wearing the other day when he was dictating the glitter at the dance. He's worried about Logan, who's still in the hotel lobby.
JOY: Yeah, and Veronica's like “Wuh whoa" and decides to go check up on him.
HZ: I can't parse Meg's interest in Caz, because she's still like “I’d like a boy who's sensitive and charming, but granted, I would look good on Caz's arm," which, what - when he swings it back to knock a drink over, what?
JOY: Well, I don't know what High School was like for you Helen, but I feel like, in my world, interest and attraction seemed to be less about qualities and compatibility, and more about like “Waaaah!” Just a bunch of like atomic particles swinging around in the atmosphere and which two were going to hit and connect. She's also pursuing or like investigating two dudes based on a "I THINK UR KEWL" text, so...
HZ: She doesn't need to be this desperate. She's got so much going for her. But it's weird, because I would have thought that the only interest for Meg in Caz, given that they seem to have nothing in common, is him being interested in her; but he doesn't seem interested in her. Is it just low self esteem that is still compelling her to pursue it in any way?
JOY: Or like boredom, or like...
HZ: All of these guys suck, so he's just another of the same? With a show home? Maybe she loves show homes.
JOY: Possibly.
HZ: Veronica goes to check on Logan and Logan gets to enjoy the “fast world slow Veronica” filming effect while he's slumped on a couch under some beige cushions. Of course, blending in quite well in that colour palette. The supercilious receptionist is still on duty; maybe that's why he's in such a bad mood, because his shifts are 48 hours long.
JOY: Yes, forever. He works forever. He's like, “The lobby’s reserved for guests." Money is no object to Logan, so he books a room and asks for a room service menu. And then Veronica is here and decides to take things to the next level and cancels Lynn’s missing credit cards.
HZ: To smoke her out. The credit card's under the name Lynn Lester, incidentally.
JOY: Right right, her maiden name.
HZ: Yeah, so I suppose it's like a little symbol that she had some thought to her life outside of Aaron. A woman wearing kitten heels and a hat and a trench coat all in black strides to reception, so that was a pretty quick cancellation thing.
JOY: Very quick cancellation, and very shaped like Lynn from the back.
HZ: She's very dressed up for a trip down to the desk when she hasn't been outside for a really long time. And Logan is like:
LOGAN: Mom?
TRINA: Oh, hey, Logan. Did you just call me Mom? You okay, brother? You know mom’s gone, right?
JOY: It's his half sister, Trina, played by Alyson Hannigan!
HZ: She won the role over Tara Reid and Denise Richards.
JOY: Wow. I didn't know that, that's wild.
HZ: I would be pleased to see Alyson Hannigan, except Trina Echolls basically completely sucks.
JOY: Yeah, is the worst, no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
HZ: She does something faintly helpful later, but not now. And also, how has she got Lynn's card? She was supposed to be filming in Australia. She hasn't been around for a really long time, and -
JOY: Lynn's not her mother.
HZ: - she's got Lynn's card, and Lynn's clothes and the hat that she's wearing right now. What the shit?
JOY: Yeah, it's very strange. It's really difficult to try to like figure out what kind of person in any circumstance would rub someone's nose in the death of their own mother - the very recent death of their own mother. And also the physical abuse that he endured at the hands of their dad - it's very cartoony and over the top. I guess they have to accomplish a lot in this very short scene, but like, bleurgh.
HZ: Yeah, there's not a lot of love lost between these siblings. And then when she leaves, Logan's grief comes rushing in, because just all hope is gone that Lynn is still alive and he has no one, really, in his corner, except for a Duncan-shaped paperweight, and he sobs, he sobs on Veronica. He's very good at this sad acting, Jason Dohring.
JOY: Yeah. Great job Jason; and he cries in Veronica's arms and ‘arms’ is an anagram for ‘Mars’. So drink!
HZ: What an incredible spin off show, Veronica Arms. It's about when she runs a pub. Keith is having a drive up the coast using his cell phone whilst driving - was that legal in 2005? It always makes me very stressed.
JOY: I think it was. I think it still was legal, yeah.
HZ: He's calling someone about the insurance case been working on but then spots that he's been followed by a silver Chevy. Because earlier we saw Keith, in a tiny little scene, crossing a road, but there's some people looking at him crossing the road.
JOY: Yeah. And so he clocks that he's being tailed and he pulls this great little Keith Move where he pulls into a hotel, valets, ducks the dudes, breaks into their car in broad daylight, checks the glove box, gets a name and then does like a little bit about how, "Oh, where's the medical supplies convention? I pulled into the wrong hotel."
HZ: “Sorry car valet, whoops, whoops." And the guys who are following him, who are now just fucking around in this hotel looking for Keith - they look scary, until they get out of their car and are revealed to be wearing terrible suits that are so baggy, and one of them has this quite ostentatious chain over his shirt but that does not go with an ill-fitting beige suit at all.
JOY: What does go with an ill-fitting beige suit, honestly?
HZ: That's a great question. It's sort of like they've got the suit that the kid's wearing at the end of Big when he has become 12 again. Keith calls someone to run a name check on someone called Yevgeni Sukarenko. Veronica has brought Karl the sketch artist - Chekhov's Karl - to sketch the person that Manny can only describe as having "that high school kid look" - so that's gonna be a real easy job for Karl, isn't it, given how good Manny is at putting someone's appearance into words? And Manny is wearing a red bandana on his head and this amazing tie-dye swirl t-shirt. He's dressed as a stereotypical stoner from the 90s. Where is his spinoff show Gruff Stoner Florist? Where is it? Give it to me.
JOY: I think florist is probably a great job for for a gruff hippie.
HZ: He can be gruff but also interested in flowers.
JOY: Yeah, hell yeah.
HZ: And Leo has got three names for Veronica.
JOY: Hot!
HZAnd so she goes and does a stakeout, it's rainy. She sees a catahoula leopard dog, followed by a man: it's Tom Cruz! AKA John Frampton. Would have been funnier if he was called Peter Frampton.
JOY: I know right? That would have been pretty good.
HZ: "His real name is not Tom Cruz, it's Clint Eastwood." At the office, she calls Catarina Lenova to tell her the address but Keith turns up, just before she can give the critical information, and hangs up the call to tell her that Catarina Lenova is not Catarina Lenova. Oh fuck no!
JOY: Whaaaat!
HZ: She is related to the guys in the shit suits, who are Russian mobsters from Chicago.
JOY: Yes. And Anthony Thomas Cruz worked for their father and then turn state's evidence and is in the witness protection programme so they're trying to track him down for nefarious purposes. If you imagine it gender-flipped and they'd have a person doing a Russian accent who was male coming in at the beginning looking for a woman who they had dumped or scared away, I also wonder whether Veronica would have jumped at that case.
JOY: True - yeah.
HZ: There's lots of reasons why people might need to not be found. Are PIs responsible for sorting those reasons out? Veronica - quick thinking because Catarina's calling back - gives her an address which turns out to be the showhome, which is so brilliant because the suit guys go in and you see the cheesy couple photo with the big smiles, and they think that they've caught Tom Cruz hiding his face in the fridge, you know, just standing casually with his face shut in the fridge for several seconds and they say, "До свидания, Mr Cruz," which means "Goodbye, Mr. Cruz." And they say it very dramatically.
JOY: But it’s Keith! Good thing they didn't shoot first and say goodbye later.
HZ: They'll know for next time.
JOY: And Leo comes out in a bulletproof vest looking like a child in a life preserver about to get into a canoe.
HZ: It's very baggy on him. It’s all about the baggy clothes.
JOY: Not the right size, sir.
HZ: I think Keith also has a bulletproof vest on under his beige jacket. And Keith looks very cheerful as he says "приве́т!" to the guys, which is quite an informal greeting for strangers. It means “Hi." Keith looked it up beforehand. That is some quality detail in his entrapment plan. I love it when he takes pleasure in the details. It’s a fun culmination of that plot.
JOY: Yes. Speaking of culminations: guess what fucking time it is, Helen! It's Total Eclipse of the Heart time. Meg doesn't even want to have a date to the dance.
VERONICA: Thought you were excited about it.
MEG: Truth is, I’m not sure I wanna go out with Caz. And Martin’s nice but not… I just don’t want to hurt his feelings.
VERONICA: Hmm. How come you’re all dolled up?
MEG: Now who says I need a date to go to the dance?
VERONICA: Oh. Right. You go, girl.
MEG: I’m taking you.
JOY: Friend date.
HZ: Then she gives Veronica a makeover. Have you ever been given a makeover by a friend?
JOY: Oh my god. You know one thing about being gay, Helen, is that, historically, straight ladies have really taken great pleasure over the years in braiding my hair and putting makeup on my face and putting me in in various clothes. Hmm, so yes, like event specific makeover, yes.
HZ: Meg has done Veronica over in that 80s-era Madonna where she was wearing black lace tutus, which Veronica has got on; she's also got some lace sleeves that she just happened to have available I guess? Lace arm gauntlets.
JOY: From the old costume closet, sure.
HZ: She crimps Veronica's hair. Crimping is never good, is it?
JOY: I don't know. It's working for me in this in this particular set of circumstances. Looks great.
HZ: I do think generally Veronica looks very good. Veronica doesn't.
MEG: Well, what do you think?
VERONICA: I look like Manila Whore Barbie.
HZ: What a peculiar reference.
JOY: Ah, yeah, what?
HZ: Just on their way out, Veronica gets a fax that reveals the guy the florist saw who looks like a high school guy is... Duncan! Except in Karl's drawing he looks like Ian Somerhalder from Vampire Diaries and Lost.
JOY: True. He does look more like Ian Somerhalder than then Teddy Dunn. He also looks like - you know how salons in small towns will have lots of pictures in the window that are illustrations of people from the 1980s with various haircuts? He looks exactly like one of those. Also imagine if you had a fax machine and you were like “doo doo doo doo” going about your business, and then you heard the incoming fax noise and the thing that came through your fax machine was Duncan's face!
HZ: I think this is so accurate, though, because Manny is so vague about describing people. So maybe all he said was “some kid with that high school kid look" and Karl just drew the most generic kid he could think of, which is Duncan.
JOY: Yes.
HZ: And we go to the dance with Veronica and Meg, standing at the side kind of scornfully, like they do in Ghost World. And they do some 80s slang which, frankly, pained me.
JOY: Yeah, it was rough to watch.
MEG: Wow. Eighties fashion. Grody to the max.
VERONICA: Don’t spaz. Aren’t you totally stoked to go to this thing?
MEG: Oh, for sure. I just didn’t know the dance would be such a major couple-o-rama.
VERONICA: What happened to all the girl power? The we-don’t-need-dates resolve?
MEG: Reality has set in. Forgive me, gal pal. I’m weak.
JOY: And Veronica, she seems to like be having an internal struggle about like, making peace with the fact that like Duncan is interested in Meg. Finally she just puts the little flower corsage that's meant to be their signal on Meg’s wrist and is like “Go with God” and Duncan rolls up, looking so bad, so bad.
HZ: Oh my fucking god, he's got a string tie. He's got Sonic the Hedgehog hair.
JOY: He's supposed to be Duckie from Pretty in Pink. I think, right?
HZ: I feel upset. I can't say words because I'm so upset. But ‘Time after Time’ is playing which means romance between Meg and Duncan is going to happen. And I will accept ‘Time after Time’ being played over romantic dancing in Strictly Ballroom, and not here. And this is hard for Veronica to see.
JOY: I will accept "Time after Time” pretty much anytime.
HZ: Except for when Duncan's there.
JOY: Yeah, it's not my fave.
HZ: This sight is upsetting to Veronica and not just because of Duncan's appalling costume. And Duncan has dated people since her, but this one seems to hurt a lot more - and is it because Meg is so nice and because the relationship feels like it might be a goer?
JOY: Maybe yeah, because Duncan's been seeing some people not seriously, but Veronica knows from experience that Meg is a good person and yeah, this could last. So that's got to be daunting.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Between getting fooled by the Russian bride and finding out that Duncan has the hots for Meg, I’ve had my fill of surprises for tonight. J Geils was right. Love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads but one way or another you’re just gonna end up alone at the spring dance, strapped into uncomfortable underwear.
JOY: So she goes out to her car to cry, but then knock knock knock: someone's at your car door, Veronica, and it's Leo! In a Miami Vice outfit.
HZ: Could there be any better turnup?
JOY: This is so strange - he's smiling so big and he's like, “What's wrong Veronica?" with a huge smile on his face, which is like, huh. It's just like read the room, read the car, read the parking lot, a little bit. But it works!
HZ: They go into dance to ‘True’ by Spandau Ballet. The playlist at this dance is pretty great. Veronica looks over at Meg who is now napping on Duncan's chest because this romance is so sizzling. Fast asleep. And then Logan interrupts any potential romance. He runs in wearing white socks and a shirt and sunglasses, the classic Risky Business look, shouting about Wang Chung. He's not having a good time this episode.
JOY: Yes, demanding that people “Wang Chung tonight," and Veronica's like “I cannot escape Tom Cruise" which is pretty great.
HZ: Nice theming. And the one nice thing Trina Echolls does is turn up to take Logan home. and she's actually quite nice to him.
LOGAN: There’s no point you going in there, Trina. “Entertainment Tonight” is not covering it.
TRINA: Bummer. Well I guess I’ll just drag your sorry little self home.
LOGAN: As long as you let me puke in your car.
TRINA: Of course, just like old times.
JOY: That's what every drunk person wants the most.
HZ: And what better moment to celebrate with a kiss than this one. Veronica and Leo kiss each other at last.
JOY: Hell yeah. Wooooo! Fuck yeah.
HZ: But Veronica answers her phone during this moment. Fuck’s sake.
JOY: And we've neglected to mention that over the course of this episode, Veronica has received multiple phone calls from somebody who breathes heavily and then hangs up It's been going on for a little while. And this seems to be another one of those calls.
HZ: Yeah. And because Leo is a law enforcement officer, he's like, “Why don't you *69?" JOY: Nice.
HZ: Which Veronica has done, but of course, because he's there, someone actually picks up when she does that.
JOY: Well, I don't mean to talk out of out of turn, but anything involving the number 69 just sounds more convincing coming out of Leo's mouth. Don’t you think, Helen?
HZ: Good lord, Jenny. So, the phone calls have been coming from a payphone - a blonde lady just called from it and it is in the Sagebrush Cantina in Barstow. Who's a blonde lady that Veronica is keen to see? Lianne Mars.
JOY: My word. Veronica is like “Nice kiss, See you later Leo” <tyres screech> and wheels out of the parking lot.
HZ: She legs it from the dance - but she doesn't go straight to Barstow, because Barstow's only a two-hour drive from Neptune. And she gets there in the daytime and it's already bar opening hours and her hair is no longer crimped, so she must have stopped to shower and change.
JOY: Yeah. You could have made out with Leo for a little bit longer.
HZ: At least for a few minutes. And she finds Lianne slumped at the bar, who seems upset to see Veronica. It's the first time we've seen them together not in a flashback.
LIANNE: No. Please.
VERONICA: I’m gonna get you out of here.
LIANNE: No! No. I can’t be seen with you. They are gonna hurt you.
VERONICA: Mom. I know who’s doing it. Mom. I know who was blackmailing us. You’re safe now.
JOY: And then oh shit. Who should Veronica look up and see and reflected in the bar mirror but Clarence Wiedman!
HZ: Maybe he's just hanging out in Barstow. Maybe he's on his way to Death Valley or something for a trip. And that's the end. So why don't we check in with our resident legal expert and Southern Californian marshmallow Lo Dodds, for this week's Lo Down.
THE LODOWN
JOY: Lo. Lo Lo Lo Lo Lo.
HZ: Are you singing a Flo Rida song?
JOY: So what's up with a 20-year-old police officer showing up at a high school dance? Is that like chill?
LO DODDS: Yeah, you know what, actually, this happened quite a bit at my high school in San Clemente aka Neptune, because it's right near Camp Pendleton, which is a base for the military. And I'm sure that I'm going to get the actual division of the military military wrong. I think it's an army base. But yeah, there were girls that like for senior prom would take guys that were over 18 and had to get a special dispensation from the school.
HZ: How do you apply for that kind of thing? "Can I bring my older boyfriend to the dance? Is there a form?"
LO DODDS: Yes, there was a form where you had to say and the guy had to show up and give it - it was always a guy - had to show up and give his ID so they knew that there was an over-18-year-old at the dance.
HZ: Did you ever date any police officers when you were in high school?
LO DODDS: Oh my gosh, no, no, no,
HZ: Jenny, did you?
JOY: Ah, no. No, no, no. And yourself?
HZ: No, never really came up.
LO DODDS: There is no way in hell that I would have gotten away with dating somebody who was on the same police force as my dad. That would not have happened.
HZ: And speaking of Leo, is it legal for him to have obtained that phone number for Veronica?
LO DODDS: No!
JOY: But they're cops, they can get anything, he said confidently.
LO DODDS: That is completely inappropriate. The police need a warrant to get phone records. I can't even envision the phone call of him calling the vet's office and just saying, "I'm a cop. Can you please give me your phone records?" or calling the phone company - that whole thing makes no sense, he would have needed a warrant for that. But again, the whole point of getting the warrant is so that the evidence is admissible in court. And if they're not trying to admit it in court, Leo's just doing all kinds of bad things lately that are gonna get them in trouble.
JOY: Ultimately, like wearing that Miami Vice blazer bad thing he's doing.
LO DODDS: I thought Leo looked very cute in that episode.
JOY: He did, I'm just checking the legalities.
HZ: But then if you're in witness protection, are you allowed to keep pets, particularly distinctive-looking pets?
LO DODDS: So the Attorney General is responsible for making sure that the people being put in WITSEC are going to be okay. So they have rules about taking care of their psychological wellbeing, their mental health. And obviously, if you are being hunted by the mob, your dog would probably be of great comfort to you.
HZ: How does it work? Do they give them like a range of locations they can choose from and he's like, "Yeah, beach, brilliant"?
LO DODDS: Yeah, they relocate them, they have options, they have to give them a certain amount of money. They're going to be set up with a whole fake documents and a fake life. They have to help them find a job - I think they have at least one legitimate job opportunity. But they have to be fairly independent by about six months. The biggest rule that you have when you're putting witness protection is to not reach out to the people who are the reason you are in witness protection. So the fact that Tom Cruz sent the postcard saying "Thanks for all the good times" from his new location - that is completely against the rules. So that's basically his fault. It's not his fault if he dies. But you know,
HZ: I wasn't completely convinced that that postcard was legit, rather than something that they had invented for their cover story for Veronica.
JOY: Right? Because what good times would he be would he be referring to?
HZ: When they went to the dog show!
HZ: So Jenny, I quite liked this episode. I found it interesting to see the Marses hard at work separately, but in sync. I do wonder what would have happened if Keith had not been so busy on his insurance case and so he'd taken on the search for Tom Cruz, because I think his bullshit detector has had more practice than Veronica’s, and he did tell her to drop that case. And Veronica was on red herrings a lot of the time - and there were a lot of red herrings.
JOY: And what if Veronica had decided to look up the cellphone number - there would have been no episode where everyone was on their best work.
HZ: Was the postcard even real? Was the actor thing real? Were the headshots all just incidental bullshit? Why would they tell her that he was an actor? I don't know. At least we have Detective Wallace all too briefly with his dog-spotting. I thought was a good mix of personal and professional cases. And then you’ve got the hotness with Leo and then the emotional devastation with Logan. And the friendship with Meg. Good range of stuff.
JOY: Yes. And Duncan looking like a dipshit.
HZ: Yeah, well, he's got glitter on his mind, Jenny. It's a serious business.
JOY: I know, I know, I know.
HZ: He has to make sure every speck of it is accounted for. Did you have any lines that you particularly loved?
JOY: My favourite line - and there were actually like a lot of contenders in this episode, for me, but I'm going to go with when Veronica walks into the sheriff's department, and Leo's like, “Miss Mars. Do you have something else to confess?” Hell yeah.
HZ: My favourite lines were definitely delivered by Wallace. But the one I think I'm going to pick is him saying, “Mexican hairless. What's the point of having a dog if it's bald, what are you going to pet - skin?”
JOY: That's doggist, Wallace. How dare you? All dogs are equally pettable.
HZ: Hmm, I don't know, some of them are gross.
JOY: Some of them are gross!?
HZ: And then how did this episode score for you?
JOY: I had a blast. I loved everybody's everybody's 1980s outfits and the whole episode and Leo and Veronica kissing.
HZ: We didn't even mention that Meg was wearing the Pretty in Pink dress, which is objectively not a good dress.
JOY: And hey, and she didn't even know that Duncan was going to dress up like Duckie. What are the odds? I really, really enjoyed this, so I'm going to give it four and a half milk jugs full of glitter in the fridge.
HZ: Yeah, I think I might give it four out of five show home pictures of a couple with big cheesy smiles. Because although there were some little gaps in plot and sense, there was a lot of detective stuff and a lot of fun non-detective stuff.
JOY: Hell yeah. Well, I guess that's another episode of Veronica Mars investigated.
HZ: Case closed.
JOY: That was Season 1, episode 15: Ruskie Business.
HZ: Watch season 1 episode 16 and join us in a week to investigate it.
JOY: Find the show on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @VMIpod.
HZ: The website, where the show lives along with a Catahoula Leopard Dog, is vmipod.com.
JOY: I am Jenny Owen Youngs and you can hear more of my speaking voice on my other podcast Buffering the Vampire Slayer. You can also find my musical work at jennyowenyoungs.com; I just released a new EP called Night Shift.
HZ: It’s so good!
JOY: Oh, thank you so much, Helen!
HZ: It’s beautiful.
JOY: That you can listen to on all digital platforms, etc. That's me, who are you?
HZ: Who am I? Nobody. I am Helen Zaltzman and you can hear my other podcasts Answer Me This and The Allusionist, fact-based entertainment shows if you like learning in a fairly painless way.
JOY: Decidedly - I would say they're the opposite of of painful. I realised ‘painless’ is technically an opposite, but it's beyond painless - they're a delight; you will be enriched. HZ: Super-kind.
JOY: Come on now!
HZ: Thank you very much.
JOY: This episode was edited and mixed by Zach McNees, and don’t try to tell me otherwise.
HZ: The music is by the exquisite talents of Martin Austwick and Jenny Owen Youngs.
JOY: The sheriff of this town is Hrishikesh Hirway.
HZ: Distributed by PRX.
JOY: Until next time, who’s your daddy?
HZ: Who’s your daddy?
JOY: Tom Cruz?
HZ: I've got a lot of questions.