Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman are joined again by Special Agent LaToya Ferguson to investigate Veronica Mars season 4 and try to solve its many remaining mysteries, including (but not limited to): who is the fifth lady of Veronica Mars? Will we ever get more Veronica Mars, and in which forms? Why has it taken so long for Veronica to have a fun night out?? Was Logan fridged? What IS 'fridged'? And was Jane The Therapist the criminal mastermind behind all of it???
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
A thing happens that turned the Marshmallows into Burnt Marshmallows, turned Veronica into a widow, and turned our twitter mentions into a shitshow whenever we said anything even slightly critical of Logan. But before that: this season wraps up some plots!
Dodie and Alonzo behead Richard Casablancas, with Matty looking on, and Clyde smiling the tiniest hint of a smile, even pauses on eating his sandwich for a moment.
Matty sells the Maloof ring to fund the reopening of the Sea Sprite, the only bit left of the Old Neptune boardwalk, because Big Dick’s plans to gentrify the town still happened even with him gone.
Keith’s medical problems are solved offscreen - just a bad combination of meds! He’s back to Keithing around! Although he has to dump Clyde as a friend, although we thought he already did that last episode? Is it our memory that is on the blink?
Denouement time: Penn’s the bomber! Or is it murderhead Don? No, he’s a last minute red herring, albeit a herring that has been murdered in an abandoned power plant and made to look like a suicide, and the bomber is definitely Penn and the Marses are stuck in a remote location with him - wait, wasn’t that last episode? Seriously got to get the doctor to check our memory...
Tick tick tick can the Marses find the limerick bomb in time? Yes! Keith is the town hero once more, after defusing the bomb Penn had planted at Kane high school.
But oh no, that’s not Penn’s last limerick or his last bomb; and after a quick pitstop for a Loganica wedding, Chekhov’s “don’t forget to move your car for street cleaning” blows up and takes Logan with it.
And Veronica, at last, goes to therapy, and leaves Neptune.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Well after last episode where people told each other the plot, things are actually happening! Penn is, at last, the suspect for three of the bombings.
Hot on his trail, the Marses interrupt his sexy minibreak with Carol to grab him and get that $250,000 reward - but Dodie and Alonzo show up to take out Veronica!
But then, the PCHers turn up! and Weevil calls off the killing with a bat of his very powerful eyelashes.
Richard Casablancas buys Matty a car to persuade her to sell him the Sea Sprite, but he might regret it because here she is breaking into his house.
He also might regret fucking over Clyde, who made the mistake of taking a Casablancas’s word as a binding agreement. Never again!
Heartbreak too for Veronica as she admits to Nicole that she bugged her office, and Nicole immediately ends their friendship.
Heartbreak for us as Veronica has sexy sex with Leo but it’s all just a dream! With Wallace watching, weird.
The shootout with Dodie and Alonzo prompts the Marses to make big changes. Keith wants out of the PI life before Veronica gets hurt.
And Veronica accepts Logan’s proposal.
OK, here’s what we know about the bombings now: Big Dick did the Sea Sprite one. Clyde did the Perry Walsh one.
The rest are still unaccounted for - but there might be something in the FBI’s theory that a serial killer has been operating in Neptune for years, so the Marses investigate some deaths registered as accidental but maybe not.
Big Dick and Clyde know that Keith knows that they’ve been buying up property with all those shell companies and leaving dead ducks in Penn’s bed.
Places Veronica will go: the strip club, to see Vinnie; the Pi Sig house, to see some frats; Dodie and Alonzo’s room, to snoop; and Comrade Quacks, to get drunk and dance with her two sexiest friends Nicole and Leo.
Places Veronica won’t go: couples therapy with Logan.
Logan has been called back to active duty though in an undisclosed location for an undisclosed length of time, so their relationship will just have to fix itself in absentia.
Before he left, though, Logan managed to track down Daniel Maloof’s hacker, a neo-Nazi teen who has noticed that Daniel transferred a large amount of Bitcoin to two Mexican assassins.
Oh and in case you forgot, Veronica is into The Big Lebowski.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Nicole and Veronica get high together, shoot guns together, and tell each other their secrets - except one, which is that Nicole sold Comrade Quack’s to a buyer who is Richard Casablancas wearing a plastic nose and false moustache, stacked on top of two other Richard Casablancases in a really big trenchcoat.
Keith also does some shooting, when Clyde takes him duck hunting and leaves his phone unattended near a Mars. But the text messages Keith snoops into put him off the theory that Clyde and Big Dick are behind the bombings.
Instead, Keith realises all the bombs killed people who were sex offenders. Cmon, that’s just Neptune, where everyone’s on the registry! But he decides it means Nicole is the bomber, taking revenge on rapists.
Other tenuous bombing suspect of the week: Weevil! He’s receiving money from Clyde to sabotage the town, according to Sea Sprite Shitter Juan when Veronica puts the pressure on.
Then for our weekly bomb: this one goes off in Comrade Quack’s! Don’t you dare take our precious Nicole from us, show!!
Someone claiming to be the bomber has sent a note to the police, which keeps the murderheads busy, and forces Mayor Dobbins to streak through town!
Murderhead Carol deduces that the note was written by Richard Casablancas, and to celebrate, she and Penn kiss! But their passion is interrupted by a gross discovery.
Here are some palate cleansers though: Vinnie gets a free jacket, Alonzo and Dodie get into lavender lattes, and Cliff gets a puppy!
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
The themes of the season, bombs and beheadings, combine, as a spring breaker who’s been spiking women’s drinks gets a bomb strapped around his neck.
The Marses, Matty and the murderheads are still shuffling around their various theories about who the bomber is: Big Dick and Clyde trying to kill the Spring Break business for property prices; or the Maloofs, for reasons that nobody can really be arsed with any more.
Daniel Maloof is regretting ordering the hit on the Carrs, but too late! Dodie and Alonzo have video of them killing them…
...but one has survived? What a twist!
Not enough jerks for you? This episode features the reappearances of ugh Mercer and Lucky-in-a-wig and Toxic Max!
But in compensation we also see Vinnie, and... LEO! He’s now an FBI agent and divorcé with a jacket full of snacks, there to tempt Veronica as she struggles with domestic bliss with Logan.
• Daniel Maloof’s having a shit one. He is being blackmailed because he was videoed masturbating to a cam girl. He’s still being accused of murder by Penn all over the TV. He is kidnapped, strung up, stoned and dickpunched by the Carrs. Then he is rescued by Alonzo and Dodie, who are going to kill him - but Daniel turns the tables! And the other side is also really shitty.
• Sea Sprite Bombing Suspect of the Week is Matty’s pick: mole-having gum vending machine-filling Perry, who blows himself up when the police come for him.
• But Veronica doesn’t buy that he’s a culprit, and with another bomb going off at the end of the episode, the mystery continues. Unsurprisingly.
• More surprising is that Veronica actually has some fun! She gets to try on Nicole’s punching gloves, drop some E, dance dance dance - then puke puke puke the next morning.
• Keith’s also having fun - he and Clyde bond over golf!
• And Penn and his group of Murderheads are, unfortunately, still in our lives, dredging up Lilly Kane’s murder, advancing some wild theories about the Sea Sprite bomber - but one does give Veronica the link between the bombing and El Despiadado.
Pizza delivery Penn is making the most of his post-bombing notoriety - he’s on TV accusing Congressman Daniel Maloof of murdering his brother’s girlfriend Tawny!
Matty from the motel is doing her own detectiving - maybe whoever refilled the vending machine put some exploding gum in there! Her investigation leads her to Liam Fitzpatrick urghhhh, but phew, Veronica rescues her.
And the Maloofs are rescued from Tawny’s violent family by Logan doing some professional punching.
He also punches his kitchen cabinet, as Veronica is hot for angry violent Logan, not reasonable calm Logan who is taking therapy seriously.
In other news, Big Dick has a ‘Big Dick’ tattoo, and a mysterious prison buddy and fixer Clyde. We don’t know what Clyde’s deal is, we just know that he definitely has one.
And Dick Casablancas is an action movie star now! Sure, why not.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
SPRING BREAK!! Neptune is full of douchey boys and drunk girls, what could possibly go wrong??
What goes wrong? A bomb goes off at the party motel, that’s what’s wrong! Killing four people, one of whom is the nephew of El Despiadado, a MEXICAN CRIME LORD oh Rob Thomas, must we?
We must, and El Despiadado must send two guys to Neptune to chop off the head of whoever’s responsible for the bombing.
But they’re not the only family with a stake in this crime: the brother of congressman Daniel Maloof lost his hand and his fiancee, and the Maloofs hire the Marses to investigate. And Matty, the teenage daughter of the motel owner who died, is tugging at Veronica’s heartstrings.
We also meet some new characters: pizza delivery guy Patton Oswalt - er, Penn; Mr Hu, whose supermarket is being sabotaged with rats; and super cool bar owner Nicole, who sure can punch.
Plus we have the return of ambulance-chasing Cliff; a still-recovering Keith; and Big Dick Casablancas, who’s campaigning to Make Neptune Great Again.
Logan is also back, and he proposes to Veronica! What a prick! And he plays with Wallace’s baby! Ugh how dare he!
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Rock star Paul Rudd is here to play a show at Hearst College, to fundraise for Piz’s awful radio station - but oh no! His backing tapes are missing! Presumed stolen! They’re not. A crime-free mystery!
New campus celebrity Apollo has written a hit memoir about being a child soldier in Uganda - but WAS he? - and Veronica is hired by someone claiming to be his dad - but IS he? Yes to both. Another crime-free mystery! How relaxing.
Until! Remember when Weevil was falsely accused of stealing Veronica’s necklace, and falsely accused of stealing the fairground cash box, and… anyway, in today’s edition of “Let’s fuck up Weevil for no good reason,” he’s accused of making fake IDs.
Someone has leaked a sex tape of Pizvonica! Nobody wants to see that! Especially not Logan, who beats up Piz.
Acting Sheriff Mars is investigating a string of Fitzpatricky burglaries, that threaten his sheriff campaign AND his friendship with Cliff.Vinnie is also running for Sheriff, and might be involved in the burglaries too?
And Big Dick Richard Casablancas is back to spend some time with Little Dick before going to prison for all his crimes in the first two seasons. And at long last, Dick Casablancas shows some human emotions.
Join Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman to investigate Veronica Mars season 3 episodes 17, 18 and 19: I Know Weevil's Wobble Tapes, and consider such mysteries as what Wallace has been up to in all the time he has not been on screen, what a Weevil-based Law & Order spinoff would be like, and whether that's Rob Thomas in a wig? After all the wigs he has inflicted on others!
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