Join Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman and our resident legal expert Lo Dodds to celebrate the completion of the second year of Veronica Mars Investigations, with a parade of outtakes - about what happens to police dogs when they retire, how old is too old to join the FBI, gambling with pasta, and the very real dangers of huffing petrol (especially at any point in time since the Great Depression).
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Nicole and Veronica get high together, shoot guns together, and tell each other their secrets - except one, which is that Nicole sold Comrade Quack’s to a buyer who is Richard Casablancas wearing a plastic nose and false moustache, stacked on top of two other Richard Casablancases in a really big trenchcoat.
Keith also does some shooting, when Clyde takes him duck hunting and leaves his phone unattended near a Mars. But the text messages Keith snoops into put him off the theory that Clyde and Big Dick are behind the bombings.
Instead, Keith realises all the bombs killed people who were sex offenders. Cmon, that’s just Neptune, where everyone’s on the registry! But he decides it means Nicole is the bomber, taking revenge on rapists.
Other tenuous bombing suspect of the week: Weevil! He’s receiving money from Clyde to sabotage the town, according to Sea Sprite Shitter Juan when Veronica puts the pressure on.
Then for our weekly bomb: this one goes off in Comrade Quack’s! Don’t you dare take our precious Nicole from us, show!!
Someone claiming to be the bomber has sent a note to the police, which keeps the murderheads busy, and forces Mayor Dobbins to streak through town!
Murderhead Carol deduces that the note was written by Richard Casablancas, and to celebrate, she and Penn kiss! But their passion is interrupted by a gross discovery.
Here are some palate cleansers though: Vinnie gets a free jacket, Alonzo and Dodie get into lavender lattes, and Cliff gets a puppy!
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
The themes of the season, bombs and beheadings, combine, as a spring breaker who’s been spiking women’s drinks gets a bomb strapped around his neck.
The Marses, Matty and the murderheads are still shuffling around their various theories about who the bomber is: Big Dick and Clyde trying to kill the Spring Break business for property prices; or the Maloofs, for reasons that nobody can really be arsed with any more.
Daniel Maloof is regretting ordering the hit on the Carrs, but too late! Dodie and Alonzo have video of them killing them…
...but one has survived? What a twist!
Not enough jerks for you? This episode features the reappearances of ugh Mercer and Lucky-in-a-wig and Toxic Max!
But in compensation we also see Vinnie, and... LEO! He’s now an FBI agent and divorcé with a jacket full of snacks, there to tempt Veronica as she struggles with domestic bliss with Logan.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Rob Thomas wrote a mini-pilot for a season 4 that involved Veronica becoming an FBI agent, and guess what! It’s full of awful white guys who don’t seem to do anything and leave all the work to Veronica and her new colleague Nish-In-A-Wig - we mean Callie. Callie! Totally new character!
Nish goes off to infiltrate a strip club, while Veronica is sent back to high school in a tiny vest, to arrest a pervy principal…
...then she goes to question someone about a bomber but he turns out to BE the bomber!
He’s holding Nish-in-a-wig at knifepoint, argh what’s going to happen???
The show’s cancelled, that’s what happens. BUT we've got all your incredible pitches for what could have been in the years between the end of Veronica Mars season 3 and the movie!
….the DVD extra that was the 12-minute pitch for Veronica-in-the-FBI season 4 that never happened!
Spoiler: Jenny certainly doesn’t love it. Helen wonders if it’s a dream sequence. What we want to know is:
What’s YOUR pitch for what happened to Veronica Mars, the show and character, in the seven years after season 3?
Discounting what you know from the movie and the actual season 4, go to the comments and tell us your pitch for the 2007-era continuation of the show!
We’ll be recapping the FBI mini-pilot in an upcoming episode, and would love to include your alt versions.
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Clue in, donut! Duncan kidnaps his own baby so the evil Manning grandparents can’t add her to their collection of emotionally abused children.
Sheriff Lamb is on the case, and so is the FBI - Agent LUCY LAWLESS has come to town for this case! But mainly to neg Lamb.
They search for Duncan in a boat, up at Big Bear, in the Mars apartment, in Mexico - but Duncan is GONE. You wouldn’t think he could outwit the law, would you? But…
Veronica has aided and abetted him! They fake a breakup, steal from Celeste, double-cross pretty much everyone, and kiss goodbye forever.
And as if that wasn’t enough for one episode, there’s Wallace’s hit and run case, and Weevil getting a new tattoo while tracking down the mole in the PCHers.
Join Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman to investigate Veronica Mars season 2 episode 11: Donut Run, and contemplate such mysteries as whether there is anyone who doesn’t get the better of Lamb this episode, how you get Kendall to come and take a shower in your bathroom when you’re not home, if she should eat a pizza bagel when in there, whether you can learn everything you need to know about sex from WikiHow, and, after SHOCKING REVELATIONS in the LoDown, why any of this episode happens at all.
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