VMI 2.20 Look Who's Stalking transcript
Listen to this episode at VMIpod.com/2-20
Content note: Veronica Mars contains heavy themes, and this episode includes storylines concerning violence.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
My hatred of the incorporation plot is JUSTIFIED as Woody Goodman uses it as an excuse to fuck over Keith! He can’t take his own unconscious young woman to the hospital, so a reluctant Keith has to do it.
But then Woody tells the papers that she was Keith’s unconscious young woman, and you don’t sell out a Mars without your big plan for incorporation failing - UP YOURS, Woody!
Also having beef with Woody is Lucky the janitor, who is stalking Gia Goodman as a result.
The prom is cancelled, so Logan throws an alterna-prom in his hotel suite, which is an opportunity for everyone to get dressed up, get drunk, and get romantic with each other - Loganica 2.0???? Oh, so close! But no.
JOY: Borrowing the remote cameras tonight for a “school project,” I’m Jenny Owen Youngs.
HZ: And speaking of pork, wanna meet my hog? I’m Helen Zaltzman.
You’re listening to Veronica Mars Investigations Season 2 Episode 20: Look Who’s Stalking.
JOY: Finally, a wordplay title of an episode that actually connects to the episodes events.
HZ: Well, I'm sure you'll adore this then: the episode was originally titled ‘See You Next Tuesday’.
JOY: Wow. Wow.
HZ: What would that even refer to?
JOY: Well, I think it refers to - there's a moment when Kendall is leaving Mars Investigations and bumps into Veronica and she's like, "C stands for" and then she doesn't finish because Keith interrupts her.
HZ: Yeah. Not good enough. Not good enough to get the title.
JOY: No, yeah, that's far more tenuous than where they landed.
HZ: But before we get stuck into this episode, I just wanted to advance a theory sent to us by Beverly at facebook.com/VMIpod. Beverly says: "Does anyone else think that Aaron Echolls's Oscar was actually the murder weapon? Aaron told Kendall that the real murder weapon was buried in the garden. This explains both why it would have Lilly's blood on it and why it would have existed after the fire. This makes me think Aaron killed her with the Oscar and buried it immediately, then later, when they found the ashtray in the pool, he didn't correct anyone. Or, everyone assumed the blunt object was the ashtray in the pool."
JOY: This is a worthy theory for consideration.
HZ: It's interesting - but why would Aaron be carrying around his Oscars to the Kane house? They're very heavy.
JOY: Right. Well, maybe he just takes it with him everywhere? But haven't we... We've seen the Oscar on a shelf. You made a little infographic, prominently pointing it out.
HZ: Two! Two of them.
JOY: So was that before or after...?
HZ: Yeah, that was towards the end of season one.
JOY: That was way after she died, of course, because the whole show is after she died.
HZ: Are we to assume that Aaron won not one, not two, but three Oscars, leaving two Oscars on the shelves and one buried in the garden?
JOY: It really seems impossible.
HZ: That's the part that requires the most suspension of disbelief.
JOY: Yeah, it's tough.
HZ: I'm still not convinced, but I admire this sensible theory.
JOY: Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah.
HZ: So, onto Episode 2-20 and we start in the lowest-lit doctor's office of all time. I associate doctor's offices with kind of being bright in a frightening, sterile way.
JOY: Well, when the news is dim, so must be the lighting, Helen, that's how it goes.
HZ: Although it is brightened up by a big stock photo right in the middle of the set of a doctor holding a stethoscope.
JOY: Oh-ho-ho, what is the nature of this image? I have never in my life... I've been in a lot of doctor's offices. There's like ads for medicines, there's maps of the human nervous system, there's a sculpture of like a skull that you can open up and then a little brain pops out and stuff. But I've never seen just a photo of a doctor holding up... Especially because you assume it's not a doctor that works in this office, it's like some kind of stock image. I don't know. It's just so weird. It's such an odd choice.
HZ: Do you think they had to turn, I don't know, Jake Kane's study into a doctor's office and they just google imaged "doctor"?
JOY: Yes. Hanging up whatever.
HZ: The most distinctive decorative features I have noticed in doctor's offices is sometimes over the gurney or bed there is a picture on the ceiling, so if they're doing some uncomfortable, say, uterine fiddling, there's like a picture of some butterflies to take your mind off it.
JOY: My dentist's office has Netflix-enabled televisions mounted on the ceilings and wireless headphones.
HZ: Wow.
JOY: You can flip through the channels.
HZ: It's like you're on a plane!
JOY: Yes, very, it feels very fancy.
HZ: That is fancy. Nothing but the best for Jenny Owen Youngs's mouth.
JOY: That's right. Only the finest, most technologically-equipped dental offices, please. Veronica has chlamydia.
HZ: Because sexpeople never prosper in this show.
JOY: Yeah, and she doesn't know where she got it, and there are very few options, so... Hmm.
HZ: There's Duncan. That's the option.
JOY: It's pretty much Duncan. But this is pretty disturbing, I think.
HZ: Yeah. What's she having a medical examination for? She says it's for a college thing - is this mandatory before you go to college?
JOY: Maybe you have to get a physical, a physical before college or something?
HZ: Not in Britain; you just have to be breathing.
JOY: Yeah. I can't remember any medical requirements, but what do I know? I mean, what do I know, Helen? My memory's so dim.
HZ: At school, Wallace and Jackie are nuzzling, so of course Veronica has to hate it.
JOY: Well, who cares what Veronica thinks? This is cute. It's all I want.
VERONICA: Please? Get a room. In Australia.
WALLACE: Hey, we're practicing for the prom.
VERONICA: What debutante bit you and turned you into a prom zombie?
JACKIE: We just gave in: the whole nine yards, the ridiculous dress, the tux, lobster dinner, limo. I mean, it happens once. Why not go all out?
MAC: Because no one sold you as an indentured servant to Butters.
VERONICA: Mac, I didn't think he'd actually -
MAC: He's picking me up in a Hummer limousine. We're having dinner on a replica pirate ship, and I suspect he's hired a zeppelin for the ride home.
HZ: Mac's prom date is coming on apace as well.
JOY: Very enthusiastic. A Hummer limo?
HZ: I've don't like Hummer limos, but I guess, in 2006, that seemed to be the cool option.
JOY: That was the peak, yeah.
HZ: But come on! Dinner on a replica pirate ship?
JOY: I mean, that's fun to me, and I kind of thought it'd be fun for Mac. Maybe it would have been fun to Mac if it wasn't with Vincent?
HZ: Yeah. If it was with Cassidy then maybe she'd have been thrilled. Just noticed that the two guys they paired Mac with both have unflattering nicknames beginning with a B and ending with -er.
JOY: Hey, how about that?
HZ: What does it mean? She's got a type! Except she's not consensually with Butters.
JOY: But cancel the Hummer limo, Helen, because prom has been cancelled.
HZ: Shit!
JOY: Prom itself, due to alcohol violations on the senior trip, we assume committed by Dick Casablancas, who else?
HZ: That's the trip to Magic Mountain, right, which was a whole deal in the carnival episode?
JOY: Oh, right.
HZ: I'm assuming. Show us the senior trip to Magic Mountain with all the boozing!
JOY: The people have a right to know!
HZ: Everyone's very pissed off about this cancellation, except for Mac, who rejoices.
JOY: Yeah. Yeah. Phew. Then, are you fucking kidding me with this whole fucking plot?
HZ: I wish.
JOY: Steve Guttenberg's at a motel with an unconscious lady.
HZ: He swears it's not what it looks like, but it is what it looks like.
JOY: Except that it's exactly what it looks like, and he needs Keith to, quote, "Take care of this," and Keith is like, "whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is not in my job description whatsoever." But, for some reason, he still does it. Keith!
HZ: As if this situation needed to be worse, Jenny, this unconscious woman is with, ugh, the incorporation campaign. Fuck off.
JOY: Ha! Helen, it's true, she's with the incorporation committee, I'm so sorry. Do you want Keith to not take her to the hospital, and leave her to languish and ultimately perish in that motel bed?
HZ: I'm not saying it's her fault for being in the cooperation campaign. It's the show's fault for going, "Oh, this is juicy," stabs the balloon, "Incorporation!" Woody's got a very fresh purple gingham shirt, I will give him that.
JOY: I won't.
HZ: Doesn't button it up enough, does he Jenny?
JOY: No, he certainly doesn't. Meanwhile, another Goodman is out there. Gia think she's being stalked.
HZ: Gia is wearing a lot of sort of sexy newsreader outfits this episode. What does that mean? Maybe she's just been in Neptune long enough to get on the tiny jacket train.
JOY: I salute it, I think it's her best look to date.
A Gallery of Gia’s Jackets:
HZ: Yep. Veronica is very unsympathetic to the very serious problem of being stalked.
JOY: This is not surprising coming from Veronica. She has very little sympathy for most women, I think.
GIA: Hey. Have you ever been stalked?
VERONICA: As a matter of fact.
GIA: Because someone's stalking me. I was hoping you might have some tips or something.
VERONICA: Dancing around in your underwear with the curtains open is always good. And it you're in chat rooms, and they suggest meeting face to face, do it in an abandoned railroad car down by the river side.
GIA: No! No, no, I mean for catching the guy. I keep seeing this car following me around.
HZ: Gia trying to account for who might be stalking her is very endearing.
GIA: Last week, at karaoke, I did ‘Can't Get You Out of My Head’ and I dedicated it to this table of cute guys. But then I realised they weren't cute, they were dweeby Pan High guys, and not the nice nerd kind but the weird, creepy -
VERONICA: Potential stalker kind?
JOY: Show us the scene of Gia singing ‘Can't Get You Out Of My Head’ at karaoke and dedicating it to a table of guys from Pan High! Where's that lost footage? I want it.
HZ: Seriously.
JOY: That's karaoke footage I actually want from this show.
HZ: And I bet she would have done the dance.
JOY: Krysten Ritter has a frickin' musical project. She's released music.
HZ: Really?
JOY: She can carry a tune, yeah.
HZ: What can't she do?
JOY: This is a huge missed opportunity. You know she also wrote a mystery thriller novel? Krysten Ritter is busy!
HZ: I was browsing knitting stuff on a knitting website and there she was, modelling snoods.
JOY: Ha!
HZ: She knits! At Mars HQ, Keith looks at a police sketch of a man's face, but then he's distracted by some legs in his office. Do they never fucking lock?
JOY: Apparently they don't. It's weird. You'd think, of all places, a private investigator's office is the place you would lock when you're going out for lunch or whatever, or to get a million photocopies of this head sketch. Guess who those legs are attached to, Helen? It's Kendall Casablancas. Huzzah!
HZ: She wants her hard drive back, or she will press charges. I'm sure that will go well. I don't really understand this joke that Veronica does. It just seems so indirect to get to a rude word acronym.
JOY: Yeah. Cut out the middleman, Veronica. Not everything has to be a fucking hedge maze.
VERONICA: Mrs C. I trust you're well.
KENDALL: Oh well, if it isn't little Miss Teen Getaway. Your dad and I were just dealing with a little trouble.
VERONICA: Like Trouble, with a capital T that rhymes with C that stands for -
KEITH: Veronica!
VERONICA: I was gonna say ‘cute’.
KEITH: Miss Casablancas was just leaving.
JOY: Keith refers to her as "Miss Casablancas". What does that mean?
HZ: After Kendall leaves, Veronica asks if she can borrow the remote cameras for a, quote, "school project". And then Keith sings, "I don't belieeeeve you," in a rather beautiful way.
JOY: Yeah, I love that.
KEITH: I don't belieeeeve you.
JOY: Where's Keith at karaoke night? Come on!
HZ: Oh my gosh.
JOY: This show is dropping the ball.
HZ: So then Veronica's like, "Well, Gia is being stalked, blah, blah, blah." The police sketch, by the way, is of the person who hired the escort who stole Cliff's briefcase the other episode.
JOY: Completely forgot about that plotline.
HZ: Well don't Jenny, they're bringing it back, because presumably it's going to do a thing any minute now. Well, not this episode, but any minute now over the next two episodes remaining in the season. And the cameras come useful very quickly, because the next scene Gia is in Veronica's room poking around while Veronica's like, "Well, just popped these cameras on my roof just to see if anyone followed you here, and, whoa, this guy's following you, and this is his number plate," and looks it up...
JOY: It's Leo D'Amato. Leonardo D'Amato. Hello.
HZ: What a way to bring Leo back.
JOY: Before we can get any development, or perhaps a coveted look at Leo's sweet little face, here is Veronica wearing a shirt with a French bulldog on it. I now have a very keen eye for French bulldogs because I have a Boston terrier, and people are constantly confusing French bulldogs and Boston terriers, so I have like French bulldog radar running 24/7 in the back of my mind, even though I don't want it.
HZ: Is that just because both your dog and French bulldogs have sticking up ears? Is that it?
JOY: I think it's like the big pointy triangle bat ears, and the brachycephalic... I can never remember how to say it.
HZ: Very different faces though.
JOY: I mean, I'm with you, but I also stare at a Boston terrier all day, every day, so I've developed probably some differentiation organic software in my brain.
HZ: At school, Logan and Veronica have a long chat in the hallways.
JOY: Oh yeah. She was just wondering if Duncan ever had sex with anybody besides her, if Logan wouldn't mind telling her, thanks.
VERONICA: You remember Duncan.
LOGAN: Right, blue eyes?
VERONICA: Right.
LOGAN: Yes.
VERONICA: You wouldn’t happen to know if he was with - and by ‘with’ I mean with - someone other than Meg?
LOGAN: Well, there was this one girl. She was blonde, petite. Smelled of marshmallows and promises.
VERONICA: Promises?
LOGAN: Yep.
VERONICA: That’s the name of MY perfume.
HZ: Veronica says to Logan that she needs to know about Duncan's sexual history for a college application, and Logan doesn't question it.
JOY: He knows that she hates to be asking and that's punishment enough, I think.
HZ: He invites her to an alterna-prom at the suite.
JOY: Hell yeah.
HZ: The dress code is formal.
JOY: I mean, prom, you know?
HZ: I guess he's got that tux that he borrowed from his dad for homecoming. Maybe he's grown into it by now.
JOY: That would be nice.
HZ: She complains how it was the rich 09ers that got the prom cancelled, and there's a sort of privatising-the-prom element to this alterna-prom.
JOY: Prom is for everyone. The prom should be for everyone, Logan. The gates of the guestlist of this alterna-prom are crashed, and that is what I would hope would be the case.
LOGAN: So, are you coming? What, you’d rather be spelunking?
VERONICA: No, I’d rather be… Strapped down on an ant hill! Man, you’ve really lost it.
HZ: Now, at the Neptune Onlyplace, Veronica and Leo are slurping at huge, empty cups.
JOY: Ha!
HZ: They're just there with these pieces of cold ceramic, going sluurp, slurrrrrrp.
JOY: Suspend your disbelief, Helen. You must.
HZ: Well, Leo's doing private security now, and then they ask each other, "How's your love life?" And is this ever an acceptable question to ask of anyone, ever?
JOY: Definitely not someone you used to date.
HZ: They've both got terrible love lives, and Veronica is like, "Is that why you've been stalking Gia?"
JOY: Veronica.
HZ: And Leo's like, "Oh, this whole thing is a fix. Now I remember why I need to not get back together with this person."
JOY: Yeah. Leo, don't even answer her texts.
HZ: He's not stalking; Woody asked him to watch Gia, and there's another guy outside called Earl. Why would you not tell your kids that you were having them surveilled? Would it be because you thought that'll be more stressful for them than the feeling they were being followed?
JOY: Yeah, because if she was aware of it, then she'd be like, "Why?" and then he'd have to be like, "Because somebody videotaped the inside of our home, and sent it."
HZ: Yeah, but then later one of his bullshits is, "Well, because of the whole incorporation vote that, you know, is so important and is connected to lots of scintillating things, we need some extra security." And she'd probably have been like, "Oh dad, that's so boring. Fine." It's the perfect cover because it's so boring. Who would want to lift that curtain?
JOY: Yeah, that would have been a good way to go, but it's not what happened, alas.
HZ: Leo leaves, having been self-gotcha'd about Veronica having ulterior motives. And Gia wonders why Woody has had people to follow her, but skilfully manages to shoehorn in that there's this newspaper scandal of Keith removing a drunk woman from the hotel, to Veronica's shock.
JOY: I am so disappointed.
HZ: Isn't it good, though, that all of the season Woody's been a bit like, "Ooh, let's make people feel a little nauseated but without good reason", and now you're like, "OK, I feel vindicated"?
JOY: Yeah, it's good to have some some evidence we can really utilise, and so we know where we stand about Woody. But god, this sucks. Can you imagine being this guy and just being like, "Ay, you know, sorry, I just accidentally had to fuckin' indicate to the press that you plied a staffer with alcohol and then she had to go to the hospital."
HZ: "Because incorporation made me do it."
JOY: Yeah - what??
HZ: And then everybody would be like, "Oh, yeah, I understand that, for incoperation, you must destroy me and my reputation."
JOY: So relatable.
HZ: So Keith marches into Woody's office, showing him the newspaper, wanting an explanation.
JOY: Fair. This is where Keith reveals to Woody that he's actually voting against incorporation. Aha! Suck it, Woody.
HZ: Well Woody is like, "I'm sorry I had to do this, but there's so much riding on this incorporation vote." That makes no sense. That's just the plot going, "I did this shitty thing because of that boring thing, just go with it."
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: In the Mars home, Gia turns up in a different newsreader outfit.
JOY: Hot. Good job, Gia.
HZ: And he's given her the excuse that it was just normal election precautions, which he could have done before she got scared about being stalked. But then, at home, she got an unpleasant surprise. It's a video of her brother playing sports, which would be boring if it hadn't been taken by someone doing a lot of close-ups of Gia's legs.
JOY: Yep. Creepy as hell. I love that this person, whoever it is, is a real home filmmaker. Making videos, burning them to DVD, carefully dropping them off in places where they'll be found. Feels like ancient times, a DVD.
HZ: What, physical formats?
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: If things were modern day, then one of the plot hinges of this episode that leads them to finding out who was filming wouldn't work, because everyone would just be there with their cameraphones up, so you wouldn't notice someone else with a camcorder.
JOY: It's true.
HZ: In the school media room, Gia has another jacket.
JOY: Oh my god.
HZ: What converted her? But she's struggling to concentrate on her assignment for journalism class because of all this stalky business, whereupon Veronica realises that one of spectators on the video has a video camera pointing right at the person filming Gia. Can Gia get the tape?
JOY: Spoiler, yes, she can, but before she does Keith has a little chat with his old pal from the Neptune Instigator, whose name is Stuart... Masterson...
HZ: Lloyd Blankenship?
JOY: Yeah, what is the name of the paper and the man? Lloyd Blankenship from...
HZ: Is it The Neptune Navigator, or is that the school paper?
JOY: Oh, I said Instigator.
HZ: The Neptune Shit-Stirrer.
JOY: The Neptune Shit-Stirrer, of course.
HZ: Because Woody has been dropping his Keith-damaging stories with him.
JOY: Dude. So bananas that he told Lloyd Blankenship that he caught Keith taking advantage of that woman.
HZ: That's got to be slander, right?
JOY: Well it was off the record, Lloyd said, right? So if it's off the record, can it be slander? Maybe not? Well, we should ask Lo, of course.
HZ: Yeah.
JOY: But Lloyd also reveals something that had both of my eyebrows fucking cresting the top of my forehead: once Keith dropped that woman off at the hospital, she took off without being treated and no one can find her. It's almost as if, Helen, it's almost as if she was never fucked up and was just a prop, used to set Keith up.
HZ: No!
JOY: I feel like that's what it looks like, but, you know, we'll just have to wait and see how things play out with Chekhov's Unconscious Incorporation Committee Woman.
HZ: Chekhov didn't fuck with incorporation.
JOY: True. Now that you've agreed to go to prom with me, Helen, but prom has been cancelled, could I interest you in a trip to the batting cages? A little batting cage romance?
HZ: It sounds a little sporty, Jenny.
JOY: A little drive through the Taco Bell drive-through? A little visit to Dairy Queen for some Blizzards afterwards? That's on par with prom.
HZ: Alright, yeah. What's the dress code?
JOY: Yeah, what is the dress code?
HZ: Are you going to get sick eating dairy? That would be very sad.
JOY: I would order a Blizzard and just stare at it in solidarity with you.
HZ: That's terrible. Could we go somewhere where you could eat the things?
JOY: OK, well, we'll just have to see what's near the batting cages, I guess everything kind of hinges on that.
HZ: Oh, so we still have to go to the batting cages?
JOY: Sorry, yes.
HZ: Fucking hell. Fine. Wallace and Jackie are so cute this episode.
JOY: It's really a lot.
WALLACE: Batting cages. There's one up north. We could get some flowers, play a little music, take out some Chinese...
JACKIE: The prom is cancelled, and you want to take me to a batting cage instead?
WALLACE: Yeah. It's for that ‘so casual, it's super romantic’ thing.
JACKIE: That's not a thing, that's male wishful thinking. But I want to wear my dress. Think fancy.
JOY: Only a fool would offer batting cages in lieu of prom to Jackie.
HZ: Maybe Wallace is deliberately provoking her with the batting cage date. And then if she says yes, then he's like, "Brilliant, I get to go to the batting cage." But she wants to wear her nice dress.
JOY: We all want her to wear a nice dress, but never fear, Jackie and Wallace, there's alterna-prom.
HZ: Veronica, conveniently, sits right down, starts talking, doesn't care whether she's interrupting. Corny is on the table behind clearly eavesdropping, which is a nice touch.
JOY: And he is really excited to hear about alterna-prom.
HZ: Mac is not, and she hopes Butters never finds out about it.
JOY: Oh god. Oh no.
HZ: How do you feel about Wallace's statement, "When I put on a tux and make James Bond look like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel."
JOY: Let me just look up Cletus the slack-jawed yokel...
HZ: Is that Cletus from The Simpsons?
JOY: Yes, it is. He kinda looks like Woody Goodman, actually. I mean, if you just wrote down like a handful of attributes. He's got brown hair, he's wearing like a tank top, and some pants, in the screenshots that I'm looking at, which is what Woody Goodman was wearing earlier before he put on that gingham number. I mean, Wallace is not doing false advertising when we see his tux eventually. He looks stellar.
HZ: He has hyped it up a lot, but what a delivery. It's nice that Jackie is not disappointed, in that she doesn't have to go to the batting cage, does get to wear a dress, Wallace does look great in a tux.
JOY: Yes, yes, yes.
HZ: She also says that she's been visiting her dad and it's the best their relationship's ever been.
JOY: Which is really nice to hear.
HZ: Yeah. She says, "First time ever one of my parents actually has time for me." And that's pretty bleak given it's come at a time when one of her parents is confined to a bed with a gunshot wound.
JOY: Well, when you put it like that, Helen, yeah.
HZ: Also, he got shot in the Bay Area, so did they ship him down to be in hospital in Neptune?
JOY: They must have sent him once he got stabilised.
HZ: He's been in hospital for a really long time though. Several episodes.
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: Cut to Terrence in the hospital, and he wakes up and Keith is staring at him.
JOY: How I hope to wake up every morning. So far, every morning is a disappointment.
HZ: Damn it. Well, maybe if you get a big photo of Keith on your bedroom ceiling?
JOY: That's what I'm talking about.
HZ: I'm sure that your girlfriend wouldn't mind. She'd understand. I will say it's very distressing when you're in hospital waking up to find someone staring at you, because they're probably writing things on a clipboard about you.
JOY: Yeah, definitely.
HZ: It just feels a bit vulnerable-making. But maybe it's better when it's Keith Mars - but he doesn't have his sort of beatific Keith face on.
JOY: He wants to know why Terrence was breaking into his ex's parents' house. Right? And Terrence says that Miss Dumas, right, was talking a big game about that she was writing a memoir about Terrence throwing that game and his gambling and his debt and all these things that put us right to sleep, and he was looking for that manuscript when he broke in and was caught. Then - now this is some cute-ass shit - Jackie arrives with the sports trades, which she apparently has been bringing and reading to her dad. They're so cute.
HZ: Aw. They seem so pleased to see each other.
JOY: It's really nice. Very different from the tone of their relationship when we first met them both the top of the season.
HZ: Well, it took them a long time to get to know each other.
JOY: Mm-hmm.
HZ: At the Mars home, Gia has managed to fib to the person filming and has got the tape.
JOY: Detective Gia!
HZ: Yeah, she's done very well.
JOY: Incredible.
HZ: I suppose if she asked you for something, you would be like, "Yes, I'll do what you say. Just shut up."
JOY: Ha! I love her scheme. She finds the lady who is videotaping and says, "I suspect that my boyfriend was at the game with another girl. Can you supply me with this tape so I can comb it for evidence?" And this lady was like, "Sure."
HZ: It's a bold gambit, because what if she'd been like, "Look, you can't be in a relationship if you suspect them," or, "You don't need the tape, you need to be alone for a while."
JOY: "Get to know yourself."
HZ: But luckily, she didn't. She was like, "Sure, here you go," so they can see that the person filming is a guy wearing a letterman jacket.
JOY: A-ha!
HZ: And he drives a red pickup truck.
JOY: A-ha!!
HZ: Oh, glorious day on the next day, Jenny: incooperation vote day! Rejoice!
JOY: The moment you've been waiting for, Helen. I know you have a big calendar on your wall, you've been crossing off a big red X every day just waiting for this vote.
HZ: Paper says it's been a dead heat, and it also prints an article with a headline that is not like any headline that the papers would run. "Private Eye Contradicts Supervisor's Story." The word "contradict" would never appear in a headline. Blankenship! Get into my office! But Lloyd has reported that Woody paid the escort from campaign funds. I wonder if he's got verification on that.
JOY: Oh, that woman was an escort? OK. I... There's just... OK.
HZ: How old do you think Keith is? The newspaper article says how old he is.
JOY: 42?
HZ: No, higher.
JOY: 45?
HZ: Higher.
JOY: 48?
HZ: Yes.
JOY: Wow.
HZ: Could buy that.
JOY: Keith Mars, 48 years old.
HZ: At school, Dick and Logan walk down the halls.
JOY: No one will go to alterna-prom with Dick, which seems about right.
HZ: He thinks it's a conspiracy.
JOY: That's not the word I would use.
HZ: Corny catches up to them.
JOY: He's so stoked about alterna-prom. He can make some killer brownies. Secret's in the butter. Gosh, I wonder what's in the butter, Helen.
HZ: Yeah, well, because I was thinking if you're making a brownie that does not have drugs in it, then the secret is really the chocolate, not the butter.
JOY: Yeah, yeah. So he's making some pot brownies. That's fun.
HZ: How considerate for him to bring a house gift.
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: And an intoxicating one. Outside, Veronica is studying cars. Can't find the red truck. Gia comes up and she's wearing kind of flippy pink clothes, so guess back to usual, no more newsreader, and she flips out at Veronica. What's that about?
GIA: So now he's saying that it was my dad in that motel and he was sleeping with a hooker he paid in campaign money?
VERONICA: My dad didn't get that woman drunk, that's all he said.
GIA: I just don't get you people. I just don't.
JOY: She hates Veronica because Veronica's dad said something about her dad after her dad said something about Veronica's dad. Bleh.
HZ: Dadfight.
JOY: Dadfight. So I guess they're not friends any more, right now.
HZ: But what does she mean when she says, "I just don't get you people, I just don't"?
JOY: To me, it felt like the befuddlement of a person who's used to everything going their way.
HZ: What does that feel like, I wonder.
JOY: I don't know, I'm just guessing wildly from a distance. Helen, guess what? Helen, guess what! It's your favourite day! Neptune incorporation measure did not pass!
HZ: Yayyyyy! "The scandals may have proven the decisive factor."
JOY: "What's a yacht without barnacles?" the Mars family wonders. "Neptune has to keep us."
HZ: A yacht without barnacles is a pretty fucking boring yacht.
JOY: And then they have a sweet family moment of sharing their respective creepy Goodman family soccer videos, isn't that sweet.
HZ: "Oh, I've got one too." Aw, daddy-daughter creepy stalker Goodman videos. And Woody had told both Keith and Gia that this harassment was incorporation related, even though they were shot before incorporation, so Keith knows he's lying and it's serious.
JOY: Do you have study hall in the UK? Is that a function of school?
HZ: Not at my school.
JOY: Well, then, when did you find time to trifold police sketches of an alleged criminal and stuff them into envelopes for mailing?
HZ: Oh, did that in art class.
JOY: Oh, OK.
HZ: You sketch them and then you put them in envelopes. But Veronica's doing that in Mr Wu's incredibly dark classroom.
JOY: How can you study in that dim, dim lighting?
HZ: How can you study in a room where the blackboard is behind you? And also, Mr Wu's the biology teacher, right? Why is there Orwell stuff on the board?
JOY: Great question.
HZ: Unless in study hall do you go to different classrooms when you're the teacher?
JOY: That is a good question. I don't know. I never took study hall, so I have no data.
HZ: So you don't know what you're supposed to do in it and therefore why Mr Wu objects to Veronica doing what she describes as "some clerical business"?
JOY: Well, I think you're supposed to study, and by that I think, what's included in that, is like anything to do with school, like homework or rereading your frickin' textbook or whatever, but not trifolding these police sketches, damn it, that's not school-appropriate behaviour.
HZ: She needed a better cover story. I'm sure she could have thought of one. Art class.
JOY: Yes.
HZ: Art class. Logan arrives late and pissed off at Veronica for Corny coming to the party, but usefully he sees the picture and he's like, "Oh, that looks like the guy that my dad shared a prison cell with."
JOY: Thank god Veronica brought these to school and Logan happened to sit down next to her while she was folding them.
HZ: I'll allow it. Let's just get stuff lined up for the season finale. Let's not spend a whole episode locating this guy with the very dense soul patch, judging by the picture. It's like a censorship bar on his chin.
JOY: Ha! Redacted.
HZ: I have a question about America, Jenny. Another question, I suppose, about American medical premises and their art, because we go back to Terrence's hospital room and there's hotel-style art on the walls. When I was in hospital, there were just like pictures of bedsores. Not for art, for warning purposes.
JOY: Trying to remember... I feel like whenever I've seen art in a hospital, it's either in the waiting area or the cafeteria area. I remember some specific, like, really vibrant photographs of like a close-up of like a bunch of limes in a hospital cafeteria. I don't know why that's like burned into my brain, but I don't remember art in the rooms, but also, I don't know if I've ever been in a long-term room. So maybe if you're going to be a resident for a while, they spruce it up a little. Make it feel a little homier.
HZ: That's considerate of them.
JOY: Jackie's talking to Terrence about prom and Wallace and how she really likes him, and he's, like, concerned that she might get too attached to Wallace, and then she says, very casually, "I learned the birds and the bees the hard way, remember." Chekhov's Reference To The Birds And The Bees! What could it mean? File it away in your little filing cabinet, Helen, because we're not going to find out right now if it means anything at all.
HZ: No ornithology?
JOY: Ornithology, entomology...? I always forget.
HZ: That could work, I don't know if bees get a special thing on their own?
JOY: Well, actually, Helen, I'm glad you brought this up, because there's a branch of entomology called melittology, that is concerning the scientific study of bees.
HZ: Makes sense - μέλιττα, Greek for honeybee.
JOY: It may also be called, I'm going to guess, apicology, because of ‘apiary’? But without the word apiary to go on, I would have thought maybe apiology? Cool. This is a great segment of our pod.
HZ: It's a very educational show. It's underrated as an educational resource.
JOY: We're so unsung.
HZ: And now, a denouement of sorts: at school, in the media room, Veronica's been waiting for Gia to finish writing her article so they could walk out together, but Gia is like, "Fuck off, Veronica," and so off Veronica fucks. She says bye to the janitor Lucky, who was briefly introduced in the dreams episode. He's polishing the floors and she's like, "Oh, hey," even though the other episode she was like, "I don't know who that is," and Logan's like, "Remember that flashback?" and she's still like, "Hmm." And then, oh gosh, outside, what does she see? A red truck parked in the maintenance space. Shitballs!
JOY: Goodness.
HZ: It was Lucky all along!
JOY: Oh my god. She notifies Keith immediately and then waits for him, she gives him all of 15 minutes to get there and then can't wait any longer and rushes back into the school and finds, through a cracked door, she sees Gia and Lucky talking to each other. Lucky is being, I don't even know how to describe this, but he's like talking about being in war?
HZ: He's sort of flirtatious and scary at the same time. He's like, "Look, here's Iraq on a map, here's Kuwait, here's a big scar on my hip from a roadside bomb. Boom!"
JOY: Yeah. So creepy.
HZ: "Ooh, the world's so freaky." It's a bit like a Sam Rockwell type of character that he's doing. And Gia misses Veronica frantically waving from the door, she's like, "Maybe I could write a human interest story about you for the paper," having failed at her human interest story before about the bodybuilding lunchlady.
JOY: I want to read that human interest story.
HZ: Finally, Gia notices Veronica.
JOY: And she's like, "What?"
HZ: And Veronica is like, "Well I saw the erratic reddish lighting and thought some drama was happening in this room."
JOY: Ha!
HZ: Then Lucky notices Veronica as well and you have to drink.
LUCKY: Hey, Veronica Mars! Just in time. Do you wanna see something freaky? Hold on.
JOY: Veronica very unsubtly side-whispers to Gia that Lucky has a red truck, as he is digging around in a box trying to find, ah, here it is: a huge knife that he took off of a corpse.
HZ: And just keeps at work?
JOY: And just keeps at work in a little, in its knife box.
HZ: Is Lucky supposed to be a picture of post-service PTSD?
JOY: I'm not sure what Lucky is supposed to be a picture of exactly.
HZ: They're in the doorway, so they have quite a good chance of getting out before knife contact. He seems to be fucking around, because he tosses the knife up and catches it without slicing off his own hand - but no opportunity to check, because he's barrelled into by Keith and cuffed.
JOY: Yeah, Keith, hell yeah. Keith busts in and tackles Lucky, then Lamb busts in and is like, "Keith, when you call the sheriff, you don't have to show up yourself." And then Keith - oh Keith! - he fucking handcuffs himself to Lucky and tosses the cuff key into a nearby sink drain so that they can't prevent him from questioning Lucky.
HZ: It's kind of a dick move, but then Lamb is also being a dick at this point, having been second on the scene.
JOY: Meanwhile, yes, over at the fucking Neptune Grand, that's a very full elevator that's only going to get fuller.
HZ: Oh my god, just stacking those people in.
JOY: Jackie's dress is amazing. Corny's tux Tshirt and top hat combo is spectacular. Everybody looks so great. Even though Vincent looks like the phantom of Al Capone's opera, I think that he and Mac have kind of a nice like 1920s Chicagoan kind of look going on together. It's very sweet.
HZ: Vincent has put in the effort. He's got a lot of red satin on. Dick is wearing a ruffled pale blue shirt and a pink lei. How do you feel about that?
JOY: He... Dick is a dipshit. What are you gonna do?
HZ: Carrying a barrel.
JOY: His party pig. That's his party pig, Helen.
HZ: Party pig... Madison is in pink princesswear, with pink satin gloves and a tiara and a white fur stole, and she's ignoring Dick very concertedly. It's weird, this overhead shot of the elevator, because it looks very crowded and yet everyone has a lot of room. There's so many people in it. Madison and Mac have something in common, though, and it's just hating this elevator ride.
MADISON: God, longest elevator ride ever.
BUTTERS: Wait for the space elevator. They're designing it now. A huge elevator on a hundred-mile carbon polymer cable that goes all the way to space. That'll be a long elevator ride.
MAC: Still not as long as this one.
HZ: Everyone is disgorged to the suite, and there is dancing, there's a DJ, there's some bubbles; there's the TV on with a "prom" crossed out graphic. Let's hope Tinseltown Diaries doesn't come back on.
JOY: Logan looks so great.
HZ: White tux. Got his champagne bottle, taps it against Dick's keg.
JOY: Fantastic.
HZ: Logan looks lingeringly at Veronica, who also looks great.
JOY: Mm-hmm. Yeah, there's like some sizzle between them, and Dick is all like, "Oh, I'm a party pig. Me and my hog. Sweet!" Horrifying. So horrifying.
HZ: At the Sheriff's Department there's another new couple: Keith and Lucky, sitting quietly in a cell, still chained together, and Keith is softly trying to get Lucky to open up about why he thinks Woody, "Deserved it." Why did he say that? Then they're fucking interrupted by Lamb.
JOY: It seems like Lamb is just sourcing different handcuff keys and testing them as they are located.
HZ: Lamb says, "What are you looking at, nutjob?" And Keith says, "Cut him some slack," and he's like, "I wasn't talking about him, Keith," which, oh, great zing.
JOY: Yeah. Not your best work Lamb. Actually, does Lamb have any good work?
HZ: Just that one time when the Manning parents were scared by him. At the alterna-prom, Mac and Butters are dancing.
JOY: This is a weird angle to try to work. Vincent says he understands it's weird for someone to go to prom with you, but he says, "I wanted to be true to myself because I am weird -" OK? "- and I thought you'd understand because you're also weird." Vincent, allow me to educate you in the ways of women. No, no, and no. Just no! There are other and better ways, my dude. This is just no way to conduct yourself. Ugh.
HZ: Yeah, is he just thinking, "Well, the weirdest thing possible would be to force someone to go to the prom with you, and therefore she would read that as attractive weirdness"?
JOY: It's very strange. It's very strange.
HZ: She's grimacing as they dance, so I guess it's not working for her.
JOY: It lines up really nicely with, like, the whole vibe of Negtune. You know?
HZ: Why, because it's just, "Women are props in my life"?
JOY: Yeah, and like, "I'm weird, and therefore it's fine for me to do this thing that I've classified as weird, which is actually kind of like creepy."
HZ: Given that Vincent's the co-host of the horrible radio show Mac likes, I'm surprised, even though she preferred the other one, that she's not slightly intrigued because of that. She's such a fan.
JOY: That's true. That's interesting. It's interesting that they didn't lean into that at all.
HZ: Well, I do suppose that being forced into going out with someone would really destroy your interest in them.
JOY: 100 percent.
HZ: And why is it that Veronica is just sitting watching Madison pour champagne and Dick sucking beer from the pig through a pipe?
JOY: I don't know. But it leads us, Helen, to my new favourite segment, Accidental Porn Dialogue! Accidental porn dialogue alert. Dick is trying to get with Madison, Madison is like, "No thank you." Veronica's like, "You better watch out, you better back off," and then she says, "Don't want her to have to call the law, because I hear the law really comes down hard."
HZ: I don't think that's accidental, Jenny.
JOY: But I am the the creator and god of this segment, therefore, I decree that this qualifies. I am claiming it. It is mine. It's beautiful.
HZ: Well, if you're happy, Jenny, we can all be happy.
MADISON: So, I guess you're here alone since Duncan, like, ran away or whatever.
VERONICA: You mean, took it on the lam? 'Cause I can't imagine what that's like, can you? Being on the lam? Think you'd just want to close your eyes and pray for it all to end. You'd have the cops crawling all over you. Right? What do you think, Madison?
HZ: Madison rushes off to give Gia a drink and Veronica's like, "I didn't realise they were friends." Goes over to Gia to tell her not to drink the drink, because Veronica knows what happens when you drink a drink Madison gives you.
JOY: Yes.
HZ: Nothing good.
JOY: Veronica's like, "Save yourself a trip to the dentist, Gia, get out of there. Don't drink that."
HZ: And Gia apologises for their dadfight.
JOY: This is good. We like to see this bridge mended. And you know what else we like to see? Wallace's fancy man cane. Jackie cannot resist the tux, the cane, everything, and they're off to their own room that they got. They literally got a room and they're gonna go do stuff in it, Helen.
HZ: That's better than the batting cage plan.
JOY: Much better.
HZ: Which leaves Veronica with just Logan to compare loneliness with, and there's a private moment between them in a busy room. So many vibes!
JOY: So many vibes. I think this scene has broken a lot of people over the years since it first aired.
LOGAN: I thought our story was epic, you know? You and me.
VERONICA: Epic how?
LOGAN: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic.
JOY: “But summer's almost here and we won't see each other at all. Then you'll leave town and it's over.”
HZ: Even Veronica can't completely ruin this moment, although she does try.
VERONICA: Come on. Ruined lives, bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
LOGAN: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.
HZ: He caresses her face. A kiss approaches slowly. But!
JOY: She has to go. She has to go. She just remembers she has to go.
HZ: She's got to, er, move her car. That's it. Things are going great, though, in Wallace and Jackie's room.
JOY: Yeah. They can just do whatever...
HZ: De-shirt in peace.
JOY: We'll leave them to it. Keith is continuing to chat Lucky up and trying to figure out what exactly is going on, and Lucky finally starts to open up saying, like, "People always talk about Woody Goodman as a great guy, but you don't know what he really is," and he's about to fuckin' spill it when Lamb, Lambus Interruptus fucking coming in to undo the cuffs. Meg Manning's dad just bailed Lucky out. You hate to see it.
HZ: What the fuck? Lamb's explanation is just, "Guess he's got a soft spot for weirdos."
JOY: And what remains of this episode, Helen? Only despair.
HZ: Yeah, because it's morning, all the parties are over. Keith retrieves the paper from outside and Veronica leaves swiftly saying the party was "Whatever," and then Keith looks chilled by this headline about Terrence throwing the game. So that story's out.
JOY: How did it happen? Oh no.
HZ: Jackie also chilled, but she goes into Terrence's room feigning brightness as if nothing's wrong and as if there's not an officer stationed outside.
JOY: Yeah, she's definitely not going to read that article out loud to Terrence Cook.
HZ: And at the Neptune Grand, Veronica knocks on Logan's door and he answers very quickly, even though he also seems very sleepy.
JOY: Veronica, you fool. The morning after alterna-prom, you're gonna go to your fuckin' very sexpersony ex-boyfriend's apartment and correct what you didn't do last night? Veronica, now is not the time!
HZ: No.
JOY: Give the man the chance to shower, kick out last night's mistake. What are you doing?
HZ: Yeah, Dick's probably still there.
JOY: True.
HZ: And, at best, Logan's going to be horribly hungover because he was swigging all that champagne from the bottle, so, yeah, give it until... I dunno, the magic hour? That'll be a good time to wait until.
JOY: Yeah, but she doesn't; and there's Logan saying, "Last night was a blur," and there's Kendall, who he apparently drunk-dialled.
HZ: Kendall!
JOY: Ugh.
HZ: Got to drink, though, because Kendall says "Veronica Mars".
JOY: Oh my god.
KENDALL: Is that our room service? No, just Veronica Mars. What a disappointment.
JOY: And Veronica's like, "Of course, of course this is what happened, of course," and shirtless Logan follows her out into the hallway and she's crying in the elevator, and like, Veronica, come on, it's fine, Kendall doesn't mean anything to him. It's fine! I mean, it's not strictly fine, but...
HZ: I suppose she's like, "Dammit, he'll always be a sexperson, he’ll never be my nonsexperson, the sexperson genes are too strong!"
JOY: Is this weird? I'm comforted by seeing a man with chest hair on television, which doesn't happen anymore. It's like every man has a five o'clock shadow, but a completely smooth chest. Looking good, Logan. Great job.
HZ: Jenny-approved. Well, that's the last sad shot of this episode, with the elevator doors closing. But let's open another door into Lo Dodds's office, to find out what crimes have been committed during this episode, in today's LoDown.
THE LODOWN
JOY: What's up with Woody implying to a newspaper that Keith took advantage of an intoxicated woman. Is that defamation? Can it be slander if it's off the record? What's going on here?
LD: Yeah, so it's slander if it's verbal, it's libel if it's written.
HZ: Ooh!
JOY: Hot differentiation.
LD: There you go, there's your differentiation. I don't know the rule about journalists, like I don't know whether they have any real legal obligation to honour the off the record.on the record. One would assume that as journalists, they follow that rule. But defamation: once one makes a false statement about you, it's unprivileged, it causes you damage, and it's published, which means you tell someone else or you put it in the paper or you somehow convey it to a third party. It's defamation per se in California. We learn about this with Wallace. If you say that someone has committed a crime of moral turpitude, he could definitely sue for defamation. Woody is a public figure - and so is Keith, I would say - and if you're a public figure, if somebody defames you, you have to prove that they did it with actual malice, meaning they knew it was false when they said it.
JOY: What if I lovingly told everyone that Helen is a bad, bad, bad lady, and deliberately did terrible things to me, but I said it very lovingly and without malice?
LD: It's not the sound of your voice, Jenny, because that's always going to sound loving. It's whether you knew it was false and you said it anyway, because we all know that that is not true.
JOY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
LD: In Keith's case, truth is a defence to defamation. So if he's saying something about Woody, his defence is that it is true; whereas Woody is saying something false, and so he could be on the hook for defamation.
JOY: Gotcha.
HZ: What's he going to get if he's on that hook?
LD: It's a civil case, so he'd have to sue for damages. Also, alleging that a married person has had an affair or has been unchaste, I'm not sure how much that's really used much these days. But yeah, since Woody was presumably having maybe relations with this woman, if that were not true and Keith had said that, that might be defamation per se as well. But also, I don't even understand this: why did they not just call an ambulance? It's horrible what they're doing, but why not just call an ambulance and leave? Like, why did Woody have to... Presumably the staffer is going to turn around and say what happened, so I've no idea what this is.
HZ: Well, also, if you're a PI, are you obliged to carry the mayor's unconscious women to the hospital? That's like a TaskRabbit job.
LD: Yeah, again, you want to go, "Why are you carrying her to the hospital? Wouldn't it be more efficient to get an EMT there?"
JOY: Is there any possibility that, you know, the mayor called Keith and asked him to come to the motel and told them his room number and said where he was, so he had at least 10, 15 minutes minimum for Keith to get over there, and he opted not to put on a shirt that whole time.
LD: Ha!
JOY: Is he cruising anywhere near the Neptune sex offenders registry with this failure to enshirten himself?
LD: I don't think so. I think both the staffer and Keith are above age, so I think Woody's OK with his weird tank top. You know, I don't think anybody would see that and think that he was trying to turn Keith on. Or maybe; I don't know, Woody's so weird.
HZ: And then, is Keith allowed to arrest or handcuff people? Are you just allowed to handcuff anyone if you're not a law enforcement official?
LD: Yeah, so, I mean, there's two different things happening here. Keith is acting in self-defence, defence of others. So he's going to get away with a lot if he reasonably believes that Lucky was threatening Gia and Veronica with the knife. You know, reasonable force to stop that from happening. He could have tied him up with anything. You know, if somebody broke into your house and you wanted to subdue them. He just happened to have handcuffs because he's Keith. He could have also effected a citizen's arrest, and you can do that, but there are rules about that so that you don't get subjected to criminal and civil liability, and one of those rules is that you have to use reasonable force. You have to tell someone that you're arresting them, which Keith didn't do. You have to tell them what you're arresting them for, which Keith didn't do, so... But honestly, he's just acting in defence of others in that situation.
HZ: Is it legal to handcuff yourself to someone else without their permission?
LD: No, no. I can't imagine that Lamb did not arrest Keith as well for obstruction of justice. You can't hinder the police in executing their lawful activities, so that's what Keith is doing by handcuffing himself to Lucky and making them bring him into the cell before they can find a key. And honestly, I can't imagine that all the police don't just have those keys lying around. Or some bolt cutters.
HZ: Can you just get bailed out by any old person? Wouldn't the police be like, "It's a bit weird that that seemingly random person with no connection to Lucky would be bailing them out. But OK, not at all anything suspicious"?
LD: The police don't care who bails you out. Anyone over 18 can bail you out. That's why you have bail bondsmen. You are paying to guarantee that you're going to show up to court dates. So generally, if you put down some money to bail someone out, what you're doing is telling the court that they can keep that money as long as the defendant continues to show up for their court dates, and if the defendant shows up to every court date and is then found not guilty, you get that money back. But generally speaking, if they are found guilty, that money can be used to pay fines and you will probably not be getting it back. But, yes, anybody can post your bail.
JOY: You may have already told us, but we might have fallen asleep in the middle of your answer....
HZ: Sportswise…
JOY: Not your fault. Not your fault, at all. But what is the legal penalty for throwing a sport game?
LD: Well, it kind of depends on why you're doing it.
JOY: All this assumption about intent! Like the law thinks they can just get inside people's heads.
LD: OK, so think about it: if you have a really shitty day and you just decide to not play well, you're going to face some professional repercussions for that. But the thing about throwing games is that it's normally tied to illegal gambling. So baseball players are not - it's part of their contract - allowed to bet on their games, bet on sports in general. They are not supposed to be doing that. That's why this whole thing with Terrence Cook is a thing, because he should not be betting on baseball and he should not be betting on sports in general. But the people that go down for throwing matches, or throwing games and match fixing, generally have to do with violating the federal laws related to gambling. Certain gambling is illegal. It's illegal to use interstate commerce while you are doing your gambling. It also involves wire fraud usually, because you're transmitting your bets over the telephone and that sort of thing. And it usually has links to organised crime. So it's all those other crimes that are surrounding the throwing of the match, why you're throwing the match.
HZ: And if you're Terrence Cook throwing the match, what kind of penalty are you going to get for throwing the match for money?
LD: The baseball players that have gone down for this, I think we've talked about this before with respect to Terrence, usually they just turn over the big fish. So their penalties are not as severe, they normally end up having to pay fines, they normally get banned from baseball. They don't normally see jail time, although it has happened with respect to - there's a famous case about a ref who was throwing games and all part of an organised crime thing to gamble and throw matches, and he got like 15 months in prison. So I think if you cooperate and you turn over the people that are actually making the big money from this, then you're going to do OK, but you also are never going to play sports again, which is, I think, the saddest part for them.
HZ: Weren't the lines flying this episode! Where there any that flew right into your brain and lodged there like, I don't know, a burr, or a stone in the shoe?
JOY: Well, since I don't think I'm going to get an opportunity to pick a line like this in the future, and in honour of our beautiful friendship, Helen, I choose the line: "There's just so much riding on this incorporation vote."
HZ: Fuck you, Jenny. Fuck you. This is over. Smashes stuff off the desk.
JOY: Did I pick the same line as you?
HZ: You know, you could kill all of your accidental porn dialogue of Veronica Mars by adding "...because incorporation" at the end of each line. Boners over, everyone home.
JOY: Hey, there is a whole, I'm sure, I'm not going to do a google search, but I am sure I could find some incorporation or incorporation-adjacent porn niche out there on PornHub.
HZ: Well you know how people have to seek more and more extreme thrills. And finding incorporation sexy is like truly the last resort.
JOY: Really pushing the envelope, yeah.
HZ: I liked it when Dick at the party asked Veronica - well, he called her "Ronnie", which is a bit of a dick move in both senses, to call someone by a nickname they don't have - he says, "What are the odds of you and me hooking up by the end of the night?" And she takes out an imaginary piece of paper and says, "I happen to have them right here. They are a googolplex to one."
JOY: Hah. Helen, how much is a googolplex again? Is that like a million times a million or something? I don't even know how to speak it, it's like ten to the tenth power, to the hundredth power.
HZ: A one followed by 100 zeroes. How about that?
JOY: Oh, thank you. Yes.
HZ: So that's Veronica's rating for Dick. But what's your rating for this episode overall?
JOY: My rating for this episode overall: I quite liked it. I liked seeing Gia in a more fun, more active kind of plot, less about her being annoying.
HZ: Yeah. Having some thoughts.
JOY: Yeah, exactly. Wearing some smart little jackets. Loved that. Love alterna-prom, love seeing everybody dress up, that was super fun.
HZ: Alterna-prom was way better than prom.
JOY: Definitely. Love meeting the party pig.
HZ: Is the party pig just a keg, or is it actually shaped like a pig?
JOY: I think it's just keg-shaped, but the personal nature, like the "this is my shoulder booze" kind of thing, I think it's like you have to be the one manning it to make it fit under the party pig umbrella.
HZ: It's like those heroes who take the silver bag of wine out of a box of wine and pop it in a baby sling and just walk through a music festival sucking it.
JOY: God bless. Yes, 100 percent. Mmm, I quite liked this episode. It didn't feel like there was a lot of stuff that didn't go anywhere. I feel like there were some scenes that were planted that will come to fruition later. Feels like some other things are like "uh-huh", and then we got Loganica looming large on our minds, forcing us to ask the question, "Will this happen again and do we want it?" I'm happy to give this episode 4.5 guys at the Pan High table at karaoke night at the Onlyplace being serenaded by Gia.
HZ: Wow.
JOY: I liked it.
HZ: High praise indeed.
JOY: Had a good time. No Cliff, no Weevil, two big shortcomings; but had a blast.
HZ: I enjoyed it as well. It is lining things up now, because we're only two episodes from the end of the season so they can't waste any more time. But, as such, it didn't feel like it was a sort of complete story in itself, like a lot of them do. But I really enjoyed the prom. It was really fun to see a lot of those characters like Corny and Madison. Madison wasn't even that odious this time.
JOY: Yeah.
HZ: And I liked that they just went full on, "Woody is a terrible person," because you don't mess with Keith and retain our respect or good opinion.
JOY: Hell no.
HZ: So that was interesting as well. I think they've made that whole thing more intriguing. And then incorporation as well, urghhhh.
JOY: Ha!
HZ: So I will give this episode four out of five stock photos of a doctor with a stethoscope in a doctor's office, in case you were confused about where you were.
JOY: Yes. Hell yes. Well, I guess that's this episode of Veronica Mars investigated, Helen!
HZ: Case closed, Jenny.
JOY: That was Veronica Mars Investigations Season 2 Episode 20 Look Who's Stalking.
HZ: Watch season 2 episode 21 and join us next time to investigate it.
JOY: Find the show on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @VMIpod.
HZ: The website, where the show lives handcuffed to Keith Mars, is vmipod.com.
JOY: Lucky, lucky show. I'm Jenny Owen Youngs, and when I'm not making this podcast with Helen, I make another podcast called Buffering the Vampire Slayer. You can hear me speak at length there and you can also listen to me sing the many recordings that I have released, including, but not limited to last week's release of a song of mine, Vampire Weeknight, remixed by Sheriff of the Pod Hrishikesh Hirway, a.k.a. The One AM Radio, that's out on streaming platforms if you want to hear it.
HZ: I think he did a really beautiful job.
JOY: He did.
HZ: What a dream team. I'm Helen Zaltzman and you can hear my other podcasts. Answer Me This and the Allusionist. And recently on the Allusionist, I put out an episode called No Title, which is a recording of the life show that I toured around the world in 2019. Remember we used to go to places and see things and people and be in rooms together? Me neither. But this is proof that it happened, from one night in St Louis, Missouri. And the show's all about gender and language. It's an amusement show. You wouldn't think it possible to do a live amusement show like an hour of standup about gender and language, but it happened.
JOY: It happened and it was fucking awesome, Helen, I saw it with my own eyeballs in Los Angeles and I was very entertained and also left very educated.
HZ: Wow. What a result.
JOY: Yes, I highly recommend it to anybody who hasn't heard it. This episode was edited and mixed by Helen Zaltzman. Thanks to Ian Steadman for the transcript.
HZ: The music is by The music is by Martin Austwick and Jenny Owen Youngs of jennyowenyoungs.com.
JOY: The sheriff of this town is Hrishikesh Hirway.
HZ: The show is distributed by PRX.
JOY: Until next time, who's your daddy? And what did he say about my daddy?
HZ: Who's your daddy, Jenny, and is he going to get my daddy's unconscious woman out of this hotel without getting any kind of attention?
JOY: I really hope so. I hope they can work together to pull this off.
HZ: When will these dads just stop getting into trouble?
JOY: They can't be contained.
