Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman are joined again by Special Agent LaToya Ferguson to investigate Veronica Mars season 4 and try to solve its many remaining mysteries, including (but not limited to): who is the fifth lady of Veronica Mars? Will we ever get more Veronica Mars, and in which forms? Why has it taken so long for Veronica to have a fun night out?? Was Logan fridged? What IS 'fridged'? And was Jane The Therapist the criminal mastermind behind all of it???
Read More• Daniel Maloof’s having a shit one. He is being blackmailed because he was videoed masturbating to a cam girl. He’s still being accused of murder by Penn all over the TV. He is kidnapped, strung up, stoned and dickpunched by the Carrs. Then he is rescued by Alonzo and Dodie, who are going to kill him - but Daniel turns the tables! And the other side is also really shitty.
• Sea Sprite Bombing Suspect of the Week is Matty’s pick: mole-having gum vending machine-filling Perry, who blows himself up when the police come for him.
• But Veronica doesn’t buy that he’s a culprit, and with another bomb going off at the end of the episode, the mystery continues. Unsurprisingly.
• More surprising is that Veronica actually has some fun! She gets to try on Nicole’s punching gloves, drop some E, dance dance dance - then puke puke puke the next morning.
• Keith’s also having fun - he and Clyde bond over golf!
• And Penn and his group of Murderheads are, unfortunately, still in our lives, dredging up Lilly Kane’s murder, advancing some wild theories about the Sea Sprite bomber - but one does give Veronica the link between the bombing and El Despiadado.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS: Mr Kiss and Tell, an original mystery by Rob Thomas and Jennifer Graham:
A young woman has been raped and beaten, and, once again, the Neptune Grand hires Veronica to investigate - only so they don’t get sued for hiring the undocumented worker who has been accused.
But, having cleared him, Veronica keeps going with the case, to get justice for the victim, Grace Manning - that’s right, Meg’s little sister. A decade on from being locked in a closet by her parents, and still having a shit time.
Grace is one of several sex workers who have been attacked by this man, a SPORTSBALL coach. I knew I was right not to trust sportsball!
So Veronica and Leo team up, dress up and wig up to go to Vegas and bust this man. A golf course is involved - sports really come out of this novel badly.
Meanwhile, the sheriff’s election looms into view, with a new candidate, Marcia - with whom Keith has history. Tense sad history, not sexy history. We assume Keith’s pelvis is still knitting itself back together.
Keith and Cliff put together a civil case, Weevil vs the sheriff’s department and their evidence planting. But which does Weevil need more: justice, or to stop his family falling apart?
And Logan is ashore! He and Veronica are having problems, with her overwork and his months-long absences - but, they do get a puppy! And the puppy’s called Pony! A satisfying conclusion to Veronica’s years-long pony joke.
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS: The Thousand Dollar Tan Line, an original mystery by Rob Thomas and Jennifer Graham:
Two months have passed since the movie, and it’s SPRING BREAK! Neptune’s popping off! Until two young women disappear, first Hayley and then Aurora, presumed kidnapped.
The spring breakers stay away and the Neptune Grand is losing business, so the glamorous owner hires Veronica to investigate the disappearances.
This case means Veronica gets back into her sexy disguises to infiltrate house parties run by the heirs to a Mexican drug cartel.
Lamb doesn’t care about the Mexican drug cartel heirs, and neither should you because - BIG TWIST - they have nothing to do with it! They’re just rich guys throwing parties. Turns out, Hayley went off to Bakersfield and was murdered by her jealous boyfriend :(
And, BIG TWIST, Aurora is part of her own kidnapping plot with her scammer dad, who she’s also double-crossing to get the ransom money!
Oh and BIG TWIST, Aurora’s stepmom is LIANNE MARS!
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Veronica has choices to make! NYC or Neptune? Lawyering or detectiving? Piz or Logan? Try to guess, go on, guess.
Armed with her favourite tools, a bug, a long lens and a taser, Veronica closes in on Carrie’s murderer...
...And it’s not any of the candidates you thought it might be in the first half of the movie - it’s the guy you barely saw at all, Cobb! Who? Cobb! You remember Cobb.
Cobb!
The death toll rises - Deputy Sacks, Gia, possibly a cat - and our beloved Keith ends up in ICU.
Sheriff Dan Lamb is happy to frame Logan, doesn’t want to catch the real killer, and plants a gun in Weevil’s hand to make it look like Celeste shot him in self-defence. Veronica can’t resist getting her teeth into all that Neptune corruption.
Join Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman to investigate the second half of Veronica Mars: the 2014 movie, and delve into such mysteries as: and delve into such mysteries as how long Pizvonica have been a thing, why Sweaty Luke is just there for some kind of gross 1950s-style plot, and whether these kids ever needed to cover up Susan's death at all, but especially after the statute of limitations has elapsed.
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
91,585 fans missed the show so much that they kickstarted a movie! So off we all go back to Neptune to see some old pals, like Wallace! Principal Clemmons! Gia Goodman! Sweaty Luke! Corny! Aaaand Logan being suspected of murder.
Plus some new pals, like Mac’s hot new hair! Piz’s boss Ira Glass! a new Sheriff Lamb who is just as shitty as the old Sheriff Lamb! And an intense Logan fan in a wig.
We’re not so pleased to see the Pizvonica sex tape again, and it causes a big punchup at the high school reunion.
We also reluctantly reunite with Celeste Kane, as she shoots the now upstanding husband and dad Weevil.
And even though Veronica’s supposedly happy living in New York City, in a relationship with Piz, about to become a big shot lawyer, you know she can’t resist a Logan in distress.
Join Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman to investigate the first half of Veronica Mars: the 2014 movie, and delve into such mysteries as: how Keith has such a spacious lovely home these days, Dax Shepard's van, why Mac and Wallace force the heinous reunion on Veronica and poor poor Piz, and leg erotica.
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Rob Thomas wrote a mini-pilot for a season 4 that involved Veronica becoming an FBI agent, and guess what! It’s full of awful white guys who don’t seem to do anything and leave all the work to Veronica and her new colleague Nish-In-A-Wig - we mean Callie. Callie! Totally new character!
Nish goes off to infiltrate a strip club, while Veronica is sent back to high school in a tiny vest, to arrest a pervy principal…
...then she goes to question someone about a bomber but he turns out to BE the bomber!
He’s holding Nish-in-a-wig at knifepoint, argh what’s going to happen???
The show’s cancelled, that’s what happens. BUT we've got all your incredible pitches for what could have been in the years between the end of Veronica Mars season 3 and the movie!
A LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS SEASON 3:
Murders! Rapes! Frats! The Dreaded Feminists! Jenny's beautiful wife Mindy! Eggs! Wigs! Bland white boys! Obnoxious white boys! Bland obnoxious white boys! Loganica together! Loganica asunder! Aaaaand... Weevil’s big red toolbox!
Join Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman and returning Special Agent LaToya Ferguson, to reopen the cold case files and try to crack some of Veronica Mars season 3's unsolved mysteries, such as: where's Wallace? Why is Lucky-in-a-wig? Is Professor Landry actually hot? Ah screw it, let's all just escape to Jenny's island where she cavorts with her beautiful wife Mindy and Wallace happily flies his little planes on the next beach over.
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
As we know, sex people never prosper in this show, and Piz is bruised from Logan’s attack and Veronica is humiliated - and ready for revenge.
Veronica’s search for the sex tape culprit takes her from Piz to Logan to Dick to Chip to some other asshole Dominick to some other other asshole Gory to the secret society The Castle to JAKE KANE!?!?!
Of course, to cap a season that began with the Stanford Prison Experiment, we get the Milgram Experiment; and, unfortunately, it is performed on Wallace as he helps Veronica investigate the Castle.
Veronica breaks into what turns out to be Jake Kane’s new lonely bachelor mansion, steals his hard drive, but leaves a shred of her sweater snagged on the doggy door she shimmied in through, and is caught on the neighbour’s security tapes.
Keith destroys the security footage of Veronica - and maybe also his chances of winning the sheriff election. Did he win?? Find out next epi- oh but then the show was dormant for seven years.
Join Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman to investigate Veronica Mars season 3 episode 20: The Bitch Is Back, and consider such mysteries as how this show, even in its last moments pre-cancellation, finds ways to introduce new awful white boys, each more revolting than the last; how many supercomputers this college contains; and whether Jake Kane painted the big terrifying portraits of his children himself.
Read MoreA LONG TIME AGO ON VERONICA MARS:
Rock star Paul Rudd is here to play a show at Hearst College, to fundraise for Piz’s awful radio station - but oh no! His backing tapes are missing! Presumed stolen! They’re not. A crime-free mystery!
New campus celebrity Apollo has written a hit memoir about being a child soldier in Uganda - but WAS he? - and Veronica is hired by someone claiming to be his dad - but IS he? Yes to both. Another crime-free mystery! How relaxing.
Until! Remember when Weevil was falsely accused of stealing Veronica’s necklace, and falsely accused of stealing the fairground cash box, and… anyway, in today’s edition of “Let’s fuck up Weevil for no good reason,” he’s accused of making fake IDs.
Someone has leaked a sex tape of Pizvonica! Nobody wants to see that! Especially not Logan, who beats up Piz.
Acting Sheriff Mars is investigating a string of Fitzpatricky burglaries, that threaten his sheriff campaign AND his friendship with Cliff.Vinnie is also running for Sheriff, and might be involved in the burglaries too?
And Big Dick Richard Casablancas is back to spend some time with Little Dick before going to prison for all his crimes in the first two seasons. And at long last, Dick Casablancas shows some human emotions.
Join Jenny Owen Youngs and Helen Zaltzman to investigate Veronica Mars season 3 episodes 17, 18 and 19: I Know Weevil's Wobble Tapes, and consider such mysteries as what Wallace has been up to in all the time he has not been on screen, what a Weevil-based Law & Order spinoff would be like, and whether that's Rob Thomas in a wig? After all the wigs he has inflicted on others!
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