Vice Principal Clemmons — Transcripts — Veronica Mars Investigations

VMI 2.01 Normal is the Watchword transcript

JOY: Do you think that in this context, pantsing refers to just Butters's pants coming down or him getting fully exposed?
HZ: I'm trying to remember what we would have called it in England; it would have had a different name; pants would definitely unambiguously be undergarments in British English.
JOY: Oh right, so you'd be like, "Oh, he got troused" or something. Sorry if I've offended anyone.
HZ: When you've pantsed people in the past, Jenny, which I'm sure actually I'm sure you've never done because you're a kind person.
JOY: Honestly, I'm not a pantser, but Jess pantses me on the daily.
HZ: She romantically pantses you? And when she does it, is it overpants and underpants?
JOY: Just overpants, and then an impish scurrying away.
HZ: So we should clarify: Jess is your girlfriend.
JOY: Yes.
HZ: She's not your high school bully.
JOY: Or a ghost.

transcript, Season 2VMI Pod23 March 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, Woody Goodman, Steve Guttenberg, Gia Goodman, Krysten Ritter, bus crash, schoolbus, bus, Naima Mora, cliffs, Meg Manning, Alona Tal, Dick Casablancas, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Ryan Hansen, Kendall Casablancas, Charisma Carpenter, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Veronica’s romances, Veronica’s relationships, PDA, book deals, Alica Fennel, Lilly Kane, vertical twigwork, sports, the Neptune Onlyplace, vests, urine, drug tests, schemes, conspiracies, Butters, Kelvin, plots, Keith’s book, Duncvonica, bugs, ladybugs, ladybirds, biscotti, Julie Chen, Happy Duncan, Big Murder Small Town, Felix, Felix Toombs, Brad Bufanda, murder, class war, class tensions, Leo D’Amato, Max Greenfield, Deputy Leo, cute as a bug manager, Godfather III, pisstery, urine samples, parents, Jim Chimory, Boatloads of Fun, pants, pantsing, trousers, pranks, cruelty, jokes, japes, Keithlicia, South Park, Vincent, Clemmons, Vice Principal Clemmons, 69, bad accents, shy bladder, bathrooms, bathroom doors, doors, Shark Field, ANTM, Miss Dumas, PCHers, Sleevil, Cordelia, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Laker Girls, The Shocker, kissing, inappropriate workplace behaviour, Dick, Beaver, sex, affairs, baseball, Terrence Cook, food shaming, relationships, Dirrty, Nelly, Red Socks, Yankees, Johnny Damon, Delays, Long Time Coming, Embrace, Ashes, Kane parents, Jake Kane, Celeste Kane, Kane trial, Napa

VMI 1.18 Weapons of Class Destruction transcript

HZ: Veronica visits the website killemall. Jenny, please describe what you see, because we watched the episode together and she screamed for minutes upon sight of this thing.
JR: Tell me all about it.
JOY: Oh my god, it's like a ticking countdown clock, and I think there's like a demonic laugh that happens right when the page loads and it's like, “Hahahahaha," it's counting down. I also think there's like a some kind of demonic visage somewhere on the page. It’s like “Something demonic is gonna happen in 48 hours and 15 minutes and 22 seconds, suckers.”
JR: It's great. It's great stuff. Beautiful design, I love the red, it really pops.
JOY: It really pops.
JR: Love that font, it is like borderline Papyrus, I think.
JOY: Like evil Papyrus.
JR: Yeah, Demonic Papyrus.
HZ: I used that on my wedding invitations.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod7 January 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Joanna Robinson, special guest, Leo D’Amato, Deputy Leo, Max Greenfield, Veronica’s boyfriends, Veronica’s romances, Corny, Miss Dent, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Joey Lauren Adams, Chasing Amy, Michael McMillian, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Home Improvement, wigs, hair, drugs, bombs, bomb dogs, bomb squad, Theo Rossi, Sons of Anarchy, Norris, Ben, throwing stars, Kurosawa, weapons, swords, web, websites, internet, wifi, Mac, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Keith's romances, dating, romance, kissing, kisses, kiss, popcorn, Van Clemmons, Vice Principal Clemmons, Duane Daniels, undercover agents, Miss Roush, Veronica's voices, journalism, papers, newspapers, media, Tiger Beat, punching, punches, violence, face punching, fertilizer, lies, Heathers, Jason Dean, Christian Slater, mullets, Storm Warning, Ginger Rogers, Doris Day, Ronald Reagan, The Crucible, dogs, sniffer dogs, fonts, Papyrus, web design, Meg Manning, Duncan Kane, Alona Tal, Teddy Dunn, passports, disappearing Duncan, Mannequin, problematic faves, cars, Nissan Xterra, Camelot motel, Logan's clothes, LoVe, Braveheart, Taut Blondes, ATF, ATF agents, 21 Jump Street, Miss Stafford, pep, Switched At Birth, expired passports, escape, absconding, guest stars, Tina Majorino, Miss Murphy

VMI 1.16 Betty and Veronica transcript

HZ: In Wallace's locker, there's a gift - an offering!

JOY: A spirit box! Do you guys have spirit boxes in the UK?

HZ: Of course not, sports players are privileged enough.

JOY: Do you guys have spirit of any kind in the UK?

HZ: We have spirits, as in the booze kind.

JOY: Ah yes, now that's a box I'd like to receive in my locker.

HZ: It’d probably get you into trouble, Jenny. This box is is green with yellow frills and it's got a big green frog in it and “Go Wallace, we love you, you rock” somewhere involved. And in it there's a load of snickerdoodles. Which is not a cookie we have in Britain either. Is it worth bothering with?

JOY: I mean, I love a snickerdoodle - I'm an equal opportunity employer of cookies.

HZ: That's very thoughtful.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod9 December 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Leo D’Amato, Deputy Leo, Max Greenfield, Meg Manning, Alona Tal, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Jake Kane, Kyle Secor, Celeste Kane, Lisa Thornhill, Lianne Mars, Corinne Bohrer, Clarence Wiedman, Christopher B Duncan, parrots, mascots, goats, animals, theft, Pan High, sports, basketball, betting, bets, bookies, cookies, pep, snickerdoodles, rehab, Riverdale, Vice Principal Clemmons, Skee-Lo, I Wish, Sally Field, gambling, jocks, pranks, meat, rest stop 15, Editor Duncan, making love, Jack, goat in a van, van, Amelia DeLongpre

VMI 1.07: The Girl Next Door transcript

HZ: Logan, and Weevil are stuck in detention together, and Weevil rightly complains that he got zero in the test for talking, where even though it was Logan who was talking to Weevil, and it was Logan who insulted the teacher in front of everybody. And Weevil is really on about the injustice in this town - and rightly, I think.

JOY: Yes, the injustice is real. But if the injustice didn't exist, we might not get to watch Weevil and Logan start playing poker together and they just can't stop flirting with each other.

HZ: It is beautiful. Thank goodness they're stuck in this detention unsupervised, and that they seem to have found an alliance so quickly. Unfortunately, the card game is short-lived because Mr. Daniels comes in scoops up the cards.

WEEVIL: Aw, come on, man!
LOGAN: What the hell? We were playing a game here.
DANIELS: This is punishment, gentlemen, not party time.
LOGAN: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.

JOY: And gives them a full week of detention - and I'm so happy for them that he didn't confiscate the money in addition to the cards, because I feel like that could have easily happened.

HZ: That is a good point. I feel like Mr. Daniels isn't after their money in the way that Sheriff Lamb, say, would have been.

JOY: Yes, exactly.

HZ: He just hates everything - but that includes financial gain from children.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod30 September 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, San Diego, Jessica Chastain, Abel Koontz, tiny dogs, artists, suspicion, train travel, life modelling, Academy of the Sword, neighbors, neighbours, friendship, detention, KISS KISS KISS, Lianne Mars, Jake Kane, Mr Daniels, flagpole, car, things on the flagpole, Aaron Echolls, boots, footwear, Vice Principal Clemmons, Clemmons, 1970s, 1950s, retro, Evelyn Bugby, yearbook, The Past, secrets, Kane family, paternity, fathers, cars, Weevilians, buy me a pony, Parker Abrams, Adam Kaufman, Harry Hamlin, Busby Berkeley, Buffonica

VMI 1.01: Pilot transcript

JOY: Have you ever been duct taped to a pole naked? I have not.

HZ: I haven't, and now you make me feel like my upbringing has been so sheltered.